Wedlock or Deadlock?

“Wedlock or Deadlock” is a 2-month-old show on Fox featuring Dr. Michelle Callahan. Couples who are considering marriage seek her counsel on national TV to explore whether they should be married or break up. I could list a million things wrong with this show. But to name a few: It’s on Fox. Dr. Callahan has only counseled hetero couples. And the show reinforces the idea that marriage is the only option for long term fulfilling partnership.

The show features many people of color and even an inter-minority relationship here and there. This is both one of its strengths and one of its drawbacks. In a television environment where couples of color are more likely to be seen on court TV shows waging war against each other, Dr. Callahan is a woman of color whose show takes on a community problem-solving approach to relationship disputes. Instead of being portrayed as inherently pathological, couples of color are presented as conflict-resolution oriented. However, because of the emphasis on marriage, the show reeks of the marriage-promotion mantra that reigned during the Bush years. These policies, and Callahan’s show, prioritize marriage between people of color over self-sustainability and evaluating a range of long term relationship options outside of marriage.

The one thing I do think is feminist about the show is the way she incorporates compatibility tests.
She poses important questions that invite everyday people to examine
their assumptions about gender roles in relationships. From division of
labor in the household, head of the household, having children and
money savvy, it is a rare moment in reality TV where men and women have
to grapple with these issues.

This weekend I attended the first wedding reception I
have gone to among my peers. They skipped out on a formal wedding to
have a private ceremony in Hawaii, courtesy of their parents. They used
the money that would otherwise be spent on a lofty wedding to put a
down payment on a house. I couldn’t be happier for them. I just wish
that it wasn’t just people of relative means, and heterosexual
privilege, that could make this choice.