“Technical” virginity

Let me start out by saying that I honestly don’t get the concept. I have a slut-shaming friend (who, ironically, falls into her own definition of the word, even if you make allowances as far as ‘have as much sex as you want but don’t deliberately set out to bed someone else’s committed partner’)who, for years, introduced herself and another of her friends as “she’s the whore, I’m the virgin”. Why? I don’t know. The only difference was that she still had a hymen. Other than that, they were pretty much equal in terms of sexual experience or “fooling around”.
I’ve seen other posts where interpretations of the word ‘virgin’ have been bandied about. Some say you can still call yourself a virgin if you’ve done everything short of PIV, while others point out that this is a bit heterocentric and means all lesbians must still be virgins. Personally, I find this a bit pointless and, well, silly. I’m sure I just stepped on somebody’s personal beliefs, and if so I apologize, but I don’t see any reasoning -outside of countries where it can get you killed- that a woman should have to call herself a virgin on the wedding night when she’s already given and received orgasms and done everything short of vaginal intercourse. That’s my personal definition of the word: virginity is gone the first time you allow someone else to take an active part in getting you off.

If a heterosexual woman is sexually active, why, other than to avoid pregnancy or that she just doesn’t find it enjoyable, should she have to refrain from full-on penetration? Don’t get me wrong, I understand completely if it’s an issue of trust. I have plenty of issues with that, myself, and I’m a huge chicken when it comes to any sort of pain, so, I repeat, I understand completely if someone wants to wait for ‘Mr. Right’s’ penis to break her hymen.
Will I wait until my wedding night? I don’t know right now. To be honest, I don’t much care for the idea of penetration, married or not. Ideally for me, the man I lose my virginity to -whatever non-penetrative form that takes- would be one I trust enough to say to him “look, honey, you may as well know that your genitals aren’t getting inside mine any time soon after this, possibly not even after we’re married unless I change my mind about being pregnant.” I don’t like having to worry that just because we’ve exchanged rings and vows I’m expected to do something that makes me thoroughly uncomfortable. But women who enjoy PIV, who have no issues with even the slightest bit of pain or simple discomfort, why, if they don’t want to wait, is it so important to everyone that their husbands can say they were first in?
I really, really, hope that one day women can lose the need to say “Oh, I’m still a virgin”, when what they really mean is “I still have a hymen.”