Too much TV

It’s almost six am and I still can’t sleep. For someone who takes good nights’ sleep as seriously as I, there must be an explanation, right? I’m scared to fall asleep. My dad is gone for the weekend and my sisters are back at school and I’m all alone. 

Basically, I’m scared that somehow, some psychopath discovered that I was going to be home alone tonight and is either lurking out in the woods or is already somewhere in my house, waiting to torture me for hours and then kill me. Yea, I feel like an idiot writing that. I even have two dogs! Nevertheless, I know I’m not the only woman who is freaked out by sleeping alone (being in a big house in the woods with an absurdly active imagination doesn’t help).

I watch too much TV, right? And too many movies. And I see too many commercials, too many advertisements, hear too many songs, read too many books, flip through too many magazines, and witness too many human interactions that tell me that women constantly need to be protected. We’re told that when women are left unprotected, our physical weakness and vulnerability blatantly exposed, the result is unfortunate or tragic. Horror movies and crime detective shows make their money off this premise. In the real world, however, we can’t have a sidekick trained in martial arts with us at all times. So, we find ways to protect ourselves. In fact, we’re expected to, and have fingers wagged at us if we don’t. For example, Broadview security has a couple commercials that vividly demonstrate that in order to live alone and be safe from abusive ex-boyfriends or any random person from breaking in, we need extensive alarm systems that automatically contact emergency assistance. Explicitly tapping into women’s deepest fears? Now THAT’S effective advertising.

I feel uncomfortable with having total responsibility over whether
or not I am sexually assaulted, to put it lightly, because as
ittybear’s community post
stated a few weeks ago, that basically means it’s my fault if anything
were to happen to me. Now, I took a badass self-defense class, but… I
AM weaker than a man. Something isn’t quite matching up right here. I
am expected to defend myself against an attacker when my boyfriend
isn’t around, but it is also expected that I would fail miserably in
that endeavor. Where does that leave me? Scared in my house and unable
to sleep.

Here’s an idea… that all women are safe from physical and sexual
abuse all the time. I have a right to BE and FEEL safe in the world! No
matter how late it is at night, how shady the neighborhood, or how
alone I am. Fearing for my life right now, in my safe little town, with
my wrathful guard dogs, is probably a little extreme, but there are
millions of women who live in fear of violence and depend on being
alert to defend their lives. The solution, in my opinion, lies largely
in men’s involvement in women’s rights issues — as fellow activists
instead of targeted oppressors or even supportive observers of the
movement. This is happening in many parts of the world, but the greater
the involvement of ALL people in the fight for equality of the sexes,
the sooner we can all rest easy.