Anti-feminist Mailbag (feminist babymaking edition)

As you all know, we get tons of charming email – one I got this weekend, for example was just “fuck you” copied and pasted three hundred or so times. (You at least have to give him credit for staying on message!) But it was this recent email that I really enjoyed from ellie8d:
Please don’t have children. The world already has too many hate filled people.
My husband always said, “Even the most beautiful woman becomes very ugly when she uses vulgar words.” I couldn’t agree more.

OMG. Are you calling me ‘beautiful’?! Swoon!
Seriously though, I love emails like these even more than our standard “fuck you cunt” messages because their authors seem to believe that they’re actually good people just passing on friendly advice. (As if sending a perfect stranger an email telling them not to procreate because they curse too much is a perfectly normal thing to do.)
If you’re out there, Ellie, I just want you to know that I’m going to start having unprotected sex – lots of it – just for you. Cheers!

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65 Comments

  1. FrumiousB
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 10:53 am | Permalink

    Cussing’s genetic? Who knew!

  2. Marc
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 10:57 am | Permalink

    And I bet that if her husband said vulgarity is hot, she’d believe it, too.
    I wonder they never say, “my husband said to think for myself.”

  3. proudfeminist
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 10:58 am | Permalink

    Yeah, I get the impression that too many so called “feminists” are into the movement not for its values, but because it is a quick fix for their arguing/drama needs. Its really sad.

  4. aleks
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 11:10 am | Permalink

    Don’t give them ideas, you know what irreconcilable paradoxes do to the fabric of reality.

  5. aleks
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 11:11 am | Permalink

    That’s the case for any movement or point of view.

  6. aleks
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 11:13 am | Permalink

    What if Jessica had kids, who’d with luck get her beauty, and gave them up for adoption to nuns, so they wouldn’t learn sass-back and potty-mouth?

  7. B
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 11:16 am | Permalink

    hahahaha. I love reading these emails (in small doses).

  8. adag87
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 11:30 am | Permalink

    *eye roll*
    So let me get this straight, men can use vulgar words all they want, but it’s unseemly for a beautiful woman? Please! At least that seems to be the double standard implied…
    Also, I never quite understood hate mail. I can’t stand Glenn Beck but that doesn’t mean I’m going to waste my breath writing to him to tell him “Please don’t procreate”.
    Not to mention the extreme paternalism in A.) Telling a woman what she should or should not do with her body and B.) Telling a woman what words she should or should not use to make a point.

  9. Marc
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 11:32 am | Permalink

    That’s because Glenn Beck can’t read …

  10. pepper
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 11:34 am | Permalink

    How are all those hairy man-hating dykes supposed to get pregnant in the first place. I smell trouble with their theories…

  11. adag87
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 11:36 am | Permalink

    ahaha. touche.

  12. aleks
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 11:40 am | Permalink

    HE CAN’T READ????//? GET OFF THIS BLOG YOU LITTLE PINHEAD!!1!@!, etc.

  13. Vail
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 11:50 am | Permalink

    I love the fact that she doesn’t think that it’s rude and a huge lack of manners to tell someone not to have kids.

  14. aleks
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 11:51 am | Permalink

    “What do you want me to think for myself, sire?”

  15. Gular
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 11:52 am | Permalink

    Yay! The mailbag is back!! :-D Thank you!

  16. pepper
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 11:56 am | Permalink

    marc and alecks for the win.

  17. Lydia Encyclopedia
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 12:02 pm | Permalink

    Oh don’t worry, Missus Ellie8d, feminists eat babies, remember? So any of Jessica’s children would be dinner before they learned how to cuss.

  18. aleks
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 12:11 pm | Permalink

    Thank you! We’ll be here all week, don’t forget to tip your bartender.

  19. alixana
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 12:11 pm | Permalink

    I dunno, I just said “fuck” at the mirror and I still think I looked hot.

  20. Kim C.
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 12:12 pm | Permalink

    “I am now commanding you to stop listening to my commands.”
    “….fuck.”
    Oh, the IRONY!

  21. EvilSlutClique
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 12:23 pm | Permalink

    Funny, I don’t get told not to procreate that often. (Maybe because they realize I already am a mother). But I have been told I’m going to die in a fiery crash and go to hell. Fun!

  22. aleks
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 12:28 pm | Permalink

    I taught kindergarten in Korea, and one 5 year old girl would tell the other kids that if they didn’t pray before lunch they would “die soon.” Our prayer?
    Thank you mommy,
    Thank you daddy,
    Thank you teacher,
    Have a good lunchtime.
    Her grandparents were terrifying.

  23. pepper
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 12:32 pm | Permalink

    yes yes, my aunt, who spent many years in catholic orphanages, does not have a potty mouth. and sailors never blush when she speaks.

  24. aleks
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 12:32 pm | Permalink

    What did the poor helpless time-space continuum ever do to you?

  25. aleks
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 12:34 pm | Permalink

    Hello next-youtube-sensation.

  26. pepper
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 12:34 pm | Permalink

    it’s really sad when people with screennames like proudfeminist use air quotes around the word feminist…

  27. Kim C.
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 12:36 pm | Permalink

    “Beastly [...] animal [...] of a human being” is a very interesting quote. It seems like they’re trying to go in two different directions here, by granting you the respect of being a human being and insulting you by making you a beastly animal.

  28. RMJ
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 12:44 pm | Permalink

    I got one last week telling me to be thankful my mother didn’t have an abortion. Thanks, buddy!

  29. rustyspoons
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 1:34 pm | Permalink

    As a childfree I’m always amused when someone tries to say “never reproduce” as some sort of insult.
    And fuckity-fuck her fucking fuckhead husband who tells women what kind of language they’re supposed to use. Shhiiiiittttttt.

  30. bifemmefatale
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 2:10 pm | Permalink

    I am always bemused at the people who are so hung up on the 1000-year-old racism and classism that made Anglo-Saxonisms like “shit” and “fuck” unacceptable but Latinate formations like “defecate” and “copulate” acceptable and even “scientific”.
    Btw, “vulgar” comes from Latin “vulgus”, the common people. Classism again.
    And we’re sooo worried about our potential attractiveness to these people. *rolls eyes*

  31. SarahMC
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 2:32 pm | Permalink

    Luckily, us ugly women have nothing to lose!
    Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

  32. Tara K.
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 2:34 pm | Permalink

    Thoughts:
    “A conservative telling a woman what to do with her body …. that’s new.”
    “Lucky for her! Feminists just have serial abortions, not babies!”

  33. penny rose
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 2:55 pm | Permalink

    Something tells me that if Jessica decided to have an abortion( since the world already has too many hate filled people) Ellie’s husband would not approve of that either.

  34. Opheelia
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 2:58 pm | Permalink

    Jessica, when you said “unprotected sex,” I assume you meant “unprotected fucking.”
    I’m confused, though; I thought we were supposed to have babies. Lots of babies. Because birth control is evil! And fucking for fun is eviler! But don’t fret, I’m sure you’ll get married and then your husband will tell you what to think and make you stop the goddamn swearing everything will be fucking fine.
    I pictured a woman nodding a lot to herself while she wrote that email, with the occasional disapproving head shake.

  35. Opheelia
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 3:11 pm | Permalink

    Those comments crack me up. They think they have this huge “SOMEONE GAVE BIRTH TO YOU! GOTCHA! HAH!” argument. But…I’m thankful my mother became pregnant in a time that she could legally choose whether or not to have me. Had she chosen to abort, there would be no “me” to care one way or another.

  36. Opheelia
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 3:14 pm | Permalink

    From now on, before doing anything, I’m going to ask myself, “What would Ellie’s husband think?”

  37. Navy_Blue
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 3:38 pm | Permalink

    And take his disapproval as a point in the actions favor, correct? I view a day that I haven’t done anything to piss off Ellie’s husband as a day wasted, myself.

  38. alixana
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 3:53 pm | Permalink

    SarahMC, by perverting Ellie’s husband’s logic into a form that is much more pleasing to me, I’m going to declare that the only women who are ugly are the ones who are spewing misogynistic bullshit.

  39. Peepers
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 3:57 pm | Permalink

    Many people’s mothers did have abortions.

  40. Peepers
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 4:05 pm | Permalink

    Sorry, Anti-feminist Mailbagger. The whole trend of calling people hateful/intolerant for speaking out against hate/intolerance is so last-political-administration.

  41. Shadowen
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 4:19 pm | Permalink

    See, you know her husband’s lousy in bed.
    Because any man who hasn’t wanted his partner to say “Fuck me” at some point in their life (assuming he’s into sex, of course) clearly never has heard it said in that tone, and so must not be very good.
    Or something.

  42. Naught
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

    “I command you to not follow the next command I give you.”
    “I command you to follow the previous command.”

  43. eleanargh
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 5:06 pm | Permalink

    Oh wow, were shit and fuck generally-used, non-swear words, and were made ‘disrespectful’ because they were seen as lesser than Latin words? That’s amazing to learn, thank you!

  44. bifemmefatale
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 5:12 pm | Permalink

    Yes, basically. When the Normans conquered England, French and Latin became the language of the higher classes, and English was the language of the conquered common people. See the book “Origins of the Specious” by Patricia T. O’Conner and Stewart Kellerman for more details and other fascinating tidbits about the English language and the many misconceptions around its use. Language geek that I am, I’ve been totally enthralled by this book.

  45. MikeT
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 5:19 pm | Permalink

    No we’re not.

  46. Toni
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 5:29 pm | Permalink

    Atleast some anti-feminists don’t think it’s illegal for a woman to not have children.

  47. Toni
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 5:37 pm | Permalink

    My mom had two, but mainly because of health reasons. Also because I was a newborn when these pregnancies occured and she didn’t want two babies that close together.
    Anyway, it seems to me that a lot of anti-choicers believe you can only give birth or have an abortion with all your pregnancies. You can’t abort some and give birth in other ones.

  48. Opheelia
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 6:30 pm | Permalink

    On a grander scale, I think the very existence of most of the people who frequent this blog probably pisses Ellie’s husband off.

  49. Chrissy
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 6:37 pm | Permalink

    To be honest, I agree with what the person who wrote in about profanity said. (The overall message, not the patronizing tone.)
    I LOVE feministing and I’m certainly no prude when it comes to cursing, but I think the overuse of profanity sounds juvenile and unprofessional and makes the author sound less credible.

  50. Jacob
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 7:21 pm | Permalink

    Well they have to be able to get pregnant so they can get abortions! They looooove getting abortions! The later the better!

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