Provable Positive Consent

The idea that by default womens bodies are available for sexual use and that women have to revoke consent every single time is Fucked .

This should be common sense, yet for some reason people have this irrational fear that if their partner doesn’t have to say "no", that they might accidentally rape them.

You don’t accidentally rape someone. How can you not notice when your partner freezes in fear? Or when they are totally unresponsive? When they put their arms in front of their body to shield themselves from you ? When they stare at the ceiling the entire time? When they’re in pain?

Maybe you don’t care because neither your partner’s pleasure nor consent is important to you. In other words, you don’t care because you’re a rapist .

Sex is a mutual, shared experience. It’s not a conquest. It’s not some fucked up game of aggressors and gatekeepers. It’s not a prize to be won, or something that’s owed. It’s not a rite of passage. It doesn’t mean you love each other (even though it can be a way to express it if you do). If you’re male it doesn’t make you a man, and if you’re female it doesn’t make you a slut.

But how do we create enforceable laws that shift the burden to obtaining positive consent for sex, rather than simply requiring a lack of revocation? Requiring that a partner verbally say "yes" every time is neither practical nor sexy, and it misses the point. Someone will say "yes" if they fear violence for saying "no", or are otherwise not empowered to say "no."

Of course, when you’re actually there its obvious when the sex was mutual. When you look into their eyes, they look back. When you lean towards them, they mirror you. When you put your arm around them, they pull you closer. When you kiss them, they kiss back.

Hell, they might even initiate something themselves!

But in the courtroom, what behaviors should be accepted as proof of consent?