Ask Professor Foxy: More Than One Kind of Orgasm?

This weekly Saturday column “Ask Professor Foxy” will regularly contain sexually explicit material. This material is likely not safe for work viewing. The title of the column will include the major topic of the post, so please read the topic when deciding whether or not to read the entire column.

Professor Foxy:
Before I ever was sexually active, I was pretty in tune with my sexuality and my body through masturbation. I habitually masturbated to orgasm for five or so years before I started having sex with my current boyfriend. At first, I couldn’t orgasm during sex, and it was frustrating but understandable. Now, though, we have been together for ten months, and he has learned what I like and don’t like. Now, during sex, I feel like I get to some sort of high point, where I can’t really control some of my body movements, facial expressions, or the sounds that come out of my mouth. Sounds like orgasm, right? Strangely, while these episodes feel really good, they don’t feel the same as the orgasms I have when I masturbate. The sensations of pleasure I feel in my genitals are different.
Is it possible that orgasms might feel different, depending on whether I am exclusively stimulating my clitoris through masturbation or my boyfriend is doing it while we are having vaginal sex? I know Freud theorized about a difference between vaginal and clitoral orgasms, but, despite the Freud’s misogyny, that seems to be a similar concept to what I am experiencing. Do you, or anyone of Feministings commenters, have any insight into this?

Hi Pondering –
Ahhhh Freud and his lovely little misogynistic theories on women’s orgasms. For those not familiar, Freud theorized that there were two types of female orgasm: vaginal and clitoral. He then ranked them. . . vaginal, of course, being the higher, “truer” orgasm since it depended on assumed male penetration. Women have been dealing with the fall out ever since.
I do not think there are two types of orgasms. I think there are a thousand types of orgasms. There are not even two places where orgasms come from. For some people, it is clitoral and vaginal. For others, orgasms come from anal stimulation, nipple play, or even just their thoughts.
You were in tune with your sexuality by yourself and then successfully adapted that with your current boyfriend. It took a little while, but I am glad you two worked it out. It sounds like you were a good instructor and he was willing to learn. That does not mean that your orgasms with him are like your orgasms with yourself.
However, there really are a lot of different types of orgasms in their depth, intensity, what shakes, after feelings etc. The orgasms you have while masturbating are ones honed through five years of touching yourself. You are super comfortable, know your exact spots and have instantaneous feedback. These orgasms are going to be intense. Your orgasms or orgasmic feelings with your boyfriend don’t have all of those elements. They are going to be different and feel different.
Orgasms are like music. Sometimes you may want hip-hop, other days classical, other days folk. Each is beautiful and invokes different feelings and sensations. I would focus less on comparing the two then in enjoying the way that each is different and lovely.
Professor Foxy
If you have a question for Professor Foxy, send it to ProfessorFoxyATfeministingDOTcom.

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