Explaining “Choice” to Pro-Life Family Members

I am the "auntie" to a beautiful two and a half year old boy named Braxton. He is absolutely precious, spoiled rotten, and probably the highlight of all the time I spend visiting home. His mommy, my older sister, is proud of me for almost everything I do at Georgetown. (I go to school at Georgetown University in DC) The one thing she doesn’t like: H*yas for Choice. My sister is proud that I am president, but not exactly happy that it’s this organization. After having Braxton, she decided that she was very much pro-life, and really would prefer that I never speak about my thoughts on choice.

To some extent, I understand. When she found out she was pregnant, her first call was to a friend who had previously had 2 abortions, asking for a phone number for a clinic. Instead, the friend gave her the number of the local Crisis Pregnancy Center (on purpose or by accident, I’m not sure). My sister decided to carry her pregnancy to term, and now she is mom to an adorable little boy. For her, looking into his eyes is enough reason to be anti-abortion. And because she doesn’t understand what being pro-choice is really all about, she thinks that I (and other pro-choicers) am pro-abortion. Realizing that made me understand why she didn’t want me to talk about choice (and also made me wonder how many people believe that pro-choice=pro-abortion).

Recently, we got into a bit of an argument over the topic. I brought up talking with some people in a class about men’s rights as fathers. A question was broached in class about whether a man, if his girlfriend/wife/etc. were pregnant and wanted to have an abortion, could tell her that she had to keep the baby. My sister said that if a man was willing to take care of the child, then the woman should not be allowed to have an abortion. I told her that I disagreed, and she said she didn’t want to talk to me anymore. She proceeded to give me the silent treatment for the next two hours. When she finally started speaking to me again, she asked how I could believe that. When I calmly explained the legal ramifications of what she had said, she agreed that women should not be barred from the procedure because of what their husband, boyfriend, etc. says. She is a feminist, after all.

However, she then asked how I would feel if she "had killed Braxton." Not exactly a fair question. Because of all of the emotional attachments, I didn’t feel comfortable answering. She was already angry at me (silent treatment, remember?), so I chose not to answer, fearing that saying I would support her decision might come off the wrong way. This was all about a week and a half ago, and I really hadn’t thought about it until my mom told me that I needed to apologize. Mom explained that my sister had taken my choice to not answer to mean that I thought she should have had an abortion. So, I spent tonight explaining to her that as a pro-choice woman and as her sister, I am here to support her. I explained that pro-choice doesn’t mean I wish she had chosen to abort or anything like that. It means that I support her choice , no matter what it is, because it’s her body and her decision.

I hope that she listened. She did thank me for clarifying, but I’m not sure if she fully understands that not only does pro-choice not mean pro-abortion for me, but that pro-choice does not mean pro-abortion for anyone. So, how about you? Any good stories of ways that you have explained what it means to be pro-choice to family or friends? Any suggestions for how I should deal with questions like these in the future?

Cross-posted on the H*yas for Choice blog