Ask Professor Foxy: Masturbation, Threesomes, and Lube Oh My!

This weekly Saturday column “Ask Professor Foxy” will regularly contain sexually explicit material. This material is likely not safe for work viewing. The title of the column will include the major topic of the post, so please read the topic when deciding whether or not to read the entire column.
Dear Professor Foxy,
My boyfriend and I want to pursue a threesome. However, there are a few obstacles in our way. Since none of our friends are really an option and we don’t know any other people interested, we don’t really know where to start. How do people usually go about finding someone for a threesome? We don’t like the idea of someone random and/or a hook up. We’re kind of stuck on how to go about it.

Hi threesome –
Some place between a random person and a friend is a person who you meet with the clear expectation of working towards a threesome. This way you know the person well enough to feel comfortable having sex with them, but don’t jeopardize existing relationships. You also know that they are into threesomes.
There are several ways to find this person. The Internet is an obvious first step. Craig’s list, your local alternative paper, Nerve are all excellent ways to start. Another good place is swingers or sex clubs. A good site to start with is Swing Life Style.
Dear Professor Foxy,
I have a question about natural vaginal lubricant. When my partner and I have sex with each other, our hands tend to be all lube-y afterwards. Sometimes the lube is clear and of a water-like consistency while other times it is thick and there are globs of moist white chunky gunk. I’ve noticed this with other women with whom I have been intimate. I’m just curious what the difference is between the two kinds of leftover lube and what the white chunky stuff is.
Thank you!
Full of Natural Lubrication

Hi Lube –
The consistency, flavor and smell of vaginal lubrication changes depending on many things. Each person is different. Vaginal lubrication comes from several places in the vagina; the Bartholin gland and the vaginal walls being primary. Where a woman is in her cycle will change her thickness and smell. Also what her diet and how sexually aroused she is will be reflected in her vaginal discharge. A sexually transmitted disease can also impact it. If you are worried about the changes, see a healthcare professional to get checked out (since you are sexually active you should see one yearly anyhow). If you are up for it, I would note how the lubrication changes depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle or how sexually aroused you are. You can also experiment with taste by eating naturally sweet fruits and cutting out red meat.
Dear Professor Foxy,
I just want to start off with the fact that I am a virgin who practices abstinence. I practice because I choose to, not because I think it makes me morally better or something (it doesn’t). I started masturbating a couple of years ago, and recently I’ve been trying to make a habit of it. I feel there is a lot of validity in discovering myself sexually and I personally think that a virgin can be sexual. But I’m also very confused about masturbatory techniques.
Currently, my technique is to stimulate the clitoris until it results in an orgasm. It’s very effective and it works nearly every time. I’ve recently discovered that my inner labia likes being rubbed as well. This is the extent of how I masturbate. I mean, it works and everything but I don’t know if it’s enough. I thought that sexual discovery would be more work. I feel like I’m missing out on something.
What my question is, what are other techniques can I employ for sexual discovery and orgasming? Or is what I’m doing enough? Should I buy some toys? How can I help myself become more sexual?
Sincerely.

Hi Sincerely –
Virgins are sexual people too and finding out what feels good for you before you start having sex with other people is one way of having great sex with other people.
Sexual discovery can be as much work and fun as we like it to be. Becoming more sexual is a process of discovering what we like. People masturbate in many, many ways (I am sure the readers can suggest a bunch). Here are some ideas from me to get you started:
1. The shower or tub head: If you are lucky enough to have a detachable shower head, apply it to your vulva. You can also position your vulva underneath the tub head.
2. Other parts of the body: Do you touch your nipples when you masturbate? Rub your neck? Pull on your ears?
3. Penetration: You can start off easy with fingers in vagina or anus or both. Use lube for anal penetration and for all penetration make sure your nails are short and smooth. A good test is to run them across your palm. If they hurt there they may hurt when inside you. You can even do the two handed method with one hand penetrating and one rubbing your clit.
4. Watching yourself: Position a mirror at the end of the bed while you masturbate or just use it to explore your vulva. Way too few people (especially women) know what their genitals look like.
5. Toys: you can buy a vibrator or dildo or anal beads to try out. Some good online (assuming you do not live near a good sex positive sex toy store) sites to check out Good Vibes, Babeland or Early 2 Bed. You can also call these stores to ask for advice. Early 2 Bed offers a great beginner kit.
If you have a question for Professor Foxy, send it to ProfessorFoxyATfeministingDOTcom.

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