Responding to Sexist Facebook posts

Hello all. This is my first time posting, I hope this an appropriate post.

A friend on mine had the following as his "facebook status". I found it highly offensive and responded to it. Perhaps I did not do a very good job responding, I had sort of an emotional reaction. He replied to his original post. I am still angry and offended, but instead of responding again and having a pointless back-and-forth discussion with someone whose mind I cannot change, I would like to hear your responses. What do you think?

(I’ve changed the name)

"Jim": A light beef: if you are a washed up party girl who has decided to redeem herself by becoming a nurse, when you get on a bus, please do one of three things. Either A) do your best to soften your syphilis-scarred demon face, B) cover up that faded Looney Tunes tattoo on your forearm, or C) stand near the ventilation so the rest of us don’t have to endure your cheap tobacco stank. Love, Jim.

2:01pm April 29
I have a beef with your light beef:

Nurses are so often overlooked and unappreciated for the work that they do. People who are studying to become nurses deserve respect. At very least call her a woman not a girl, she is an adult. People don’t have to "redeem" themselves for partying; and why is it that women are expected to feel guilty more than men? It is a gendered issue, if it wasn’t you would have called her a "partier".

I have beef with the fact that you are shaming people with syphilis.

I have beef with your sense of entitlement over this woman’s body. If you don’t like her tattoo, don’t look at it.


at 2:14pm April 29
I have several cows worth of beef with your spare ribs, here.

A) I made no comment about the occupation.

B) You have no idea who the person in question is, so it’s pretty inappropriate of you to make assumptions about her age or her motivation for going into medicine. It so happens that I’m referring to a specific individual whom I happen to know very well. … Read More

C) Every human being is gendered. I’m offended by the implication that I’m somehow angry at this person because of her sex. It’s a descriptive turn of phrase, not a tool of the oppressor.

D) Strictly speaking, nobody has to redeem themself for anything. However, I certainly hope that people would prefer to redeem themselves, somehow, for things they’ve done to hurt other people. Perhaps I’ve been too generous. Perhaps she’s in medicine for the money. Haven’t spoken to her in a while.

E) Again, shaming people who pointedly hurt others. There are plenty of people who’ve contracted syphilis through no fault of their own, and who haven’t blithely decided to pass it on to others without telling them there might be a risk.

F) I have no sense of entitlement over her fucking body. What a presumptuous and offensive framing of the sentiment. The tattoo happens to be obscene in nature.

Love,… Read More

The Middle Class White "Man"

Jim at 2:19pm April 29
Personally, I’m offended that no one’s leapt to the aid of demonkind, a group that I have clearly defamed by association, here. I should be ashamed for taking advantage of my position literally above those poor hell-dwelling folk.

Give me a fucking break.

Also, he send me an instant message, the conversation went like this:

Jim: Think about who you’re criticizing.

Me: I am concerned with what you said, not who you are.

I am not saying you are sexist

I am saying what you said is sexist

Jim:"Why, sir, I’m no murderer. I just kill people."

Jim: Sexism is real. Attack it where it actually is.

So, apparently I am can’t recognize sexism where it really is, and his comment is not sexist at all.

Please, someone tell me I’m not crazy.

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

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