Friends 4eva

The New York Times is talking about how friends are good for our health, so I thought I’d finally post this video of author Kelly Corrigan reading a piece about women in community. My mom, the best friend I know, forwarded it to me awhile ago. Get the Kleenex ready kids.

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  • ItsJustMe

    That was beautiful, thank you for sharing this.
    It moved me to tears especially at such a hard time in my life. I am a young mom, 22 years old and have lost all of my friends due to fact that none of them want anything to do with me since I have two beautiful children now. I recently just lost touch with my best friend because she is in a relationship with a very controlling man and all I can do is watch it happen, nothing I have said has helped her.
    I think people get so caught up in their own lives that they often forget how wonderful companionship is. It feels so good to have someone to call, to have someone that is there for you in a time of need. It also feels so good to be there for someone that you know needs you more than anything.
    I also think due to the advances of technology, people have seem to forgotten that face-to-face time is irreplaceable. A hug or a smile is something that can not be conveyed properly through the internet or text messaging. I recently just started a feminist meetup in Connecticut and am hopeful that I can meet other women to be friends with that care about the same things I do.
    I think everyone could use a reminder how important friendship is, thanks again for sharing this.

  • adag87

    That definitely jerked some tears out of me. Especially the part about burying parents and transcending in the worst moments… Definitely an inspiring piece.

  • MimiX

    Hey ItsJustMe, I started my family young too, before my friends did, and it was so hard. I think it’s great you’re starting the feminist meetup — I hope it goes really well! I hope you’ve found some new friends through mom/kid activities, too — it used to make me sad (“why do I have to make NEW friends? I loved my OLD friends… where have THEY gone?”) but now, a few years later, some of the “new” ones are really good, close friends. Also now some of my old friends have started having babies and it’s brought us closer again. Anyway, I don’t know if any of the above applies to you, but your post called out to me, because I remember how hard it was for me to lose friends at a time when I needed them the most — so I wanted to send you a virtual hug and good wishes!

  • Lshygirl5

    I saw this video on Heartless Doll, a blog I love. There it was shown to start a discussion about whether or not the video focused too much on a suburban lifestyle that not everyone lives. I personally couldn’t identify with a lot of what she was saying. What do others think?

  • iambecoming

    Lshygirl5 —
    Thank you for starting this discussion! I was thinking exactly the same thing as I watched it.
    While I did appreciate her sentiment (I have definitely talked with my friends about how we’ll be together long after our parents are gone), I was kind of put off by the repeated emphasis on children, the “oops! Look what I just ate! Too much Halloween candy!” moments, and some of the stereotypical “feminine” traits that she referenced.
    In rewatching the film, there was perhaps one or two women of color portrayed in the audience or the stills. I also found there to be a lean towards heterosexuality in her speech…as an individual who currently identifies as asexual, does not want children, and who has always been fairly independent, her message rang like Hallmark cards at times.
    I really wanted to love this, and to forward it to my fellow “sisters” (since I only have a brother in real life). But I didn’t love it. I love my friends; they are absolutely amazing. But this seemed primarily glossed over for the White, child-bearing, heterosexual, stereotypically “female” crowd.
    I’d much rather make my own tribute to the amazing women in my life, I think.

  • Rosie

    I agree that this woman’s speech focused on a very stereotypical suburban lifestyle, and the way she relates to her friends seems to be bound by this lifestyle. And it is a bit Hallmark-y. But it’s nice to see this video on a feminist blog, because I think that as feminists, we can sometimes be a little quick to judge and dismiss this ‘ordinary’ lifestyle as being un-feminist, or oppressive, or fake, and forget that people who live ‘ordinary’ lives can be strong, admirable women too. If I saw this woman at the supermarket or the local school, I would probably subconsciously dismiss her as an uninteresting housewife. Yet clearly she is complex, and strong, and warm, and has had to deal with pain.
    I’ll bet that a lot of commenters on this site looked at the video and dismissed her, and justify this by telling themselves “well, her white/middle-class/hetero/suburban privilege means she will never have to deal with real problems”. It’s a good reminder to those of us who might think of ourselves as more or better than ‘those people’ that they are often just as complex and beautiful as less ‘common’ people.


    It did seem to reflect a very White, very suburban, very upper middle class, very stay-at-home-mom, very married, very Christian lifestyle.
    Not to say that her perspective is not valid – far from it – but it reflects a very narrow and privileged demographic.
    It might be nice to balance this video with one of a working class Black woman from the projects of West Philadelphia talking about her friends and their lives – so we could compare and contrast and she what’s universal and what’s specific to a particular set of social circumstances.

  • http://jjsh JJSH

    This woman did a great job at speaking about what her friendships mean to her.
    I just got done reading comments posted, and I feel angered. People are attacking her for not being more diverse. For goodness sake, she is writing about HER life, and how HER friends have made an impact.
    The jist of her piece is to encourage people to appreciate the friends they have, and find the beauty in each UNIQUE relationship. This vido should inspire you to think of all the reasons you love your friends. If you need someone that is EXACTLY like you do inspire you, well, that is a shame. You are narrow minded. Not this video.