Good on you, Oprah

A year ago if you asked me if I would commend Oprah for anything, much less for defending feminist viewpoints in the face of conventional social disapproval…well, I’d have to shrug because in all my life I had never watched an Oprah show.
A schedule change over the past year made it so that her show was on during the exact time I was home and awake. So I watched. I watch.
And became interested in this woman who, yes, is very accepting of a number of problematic things: extreme consumerism; American ignorance of non-Western societies; reification of essentialized gender; Steve Harvey’s relationship advice (need I say more?), BUT, who is also, I feel, moving incrementally toward the humanist light.
Last night and today, her two shows combined constitute a “Shocking Oprah Sex-Ed Win.”
It was shocking because she took a powerful humanist stance, called out members of her own audience and her own friends on their sexism, fought with her friends on national TV, and stuck by her sex-ed guns in the face of others’ conventional social disapproval.
Here’s what went down**:
Last night, her sex-ed expert, Dr. Laura Berman, was teaching the audience about how to teach their kids about sex. She recommended a number of things, including that women should teach their 15 year old daughters about the benefits of masturbation, and that things such as vibrators are a-okay to explore with.
The audience reacted negatively, with women shaking their heads and standing up to tell her off.
But Oprah stepped in to say: “Why do you think knowing about masturbation is wrong?”
A very young Afr-Am woman [possibly teen] audience member began railing against Dr. Berman, saying, “it sounds like she [Dr. berman] goes home and [masturbates] every day.”
Dr. B and Oprah said, “Yes? And? That’s a bad thing… why?”
Another audience member, this time a blonde Euro-Am mother in her early forties, said urgently, “But, Oprah, where’s the SELF-CONTROL? Teaching your kids to touch themselves whenever nature calls is tying them to their urges and teaches them they don’t have to use willpower.”
[Cut to commercial. DAMN, wanted to hear Oprah’s answer]
[back from break]
Oprah: “I think you all missed something very important in what Dr.Berman’s talking about. If you think about it, a girl who masturbates and learns about pleasure on her own will be far less likely to get swept up in the moment and to idolize or cling to the first guy who comes along who gives her those feelings. She’ll realize that it’s not HIM that gives that to her, but that it’s her own body’s reaction that she’s already enjoyed on her own, and that she doesn’t have to be beholden to him.”
Gayle King, best friend and mag editor: I just can’t get behind this, Oprah [shaking her head and throwing up her hands, tsk-tsking ] “it’s just too much information” [TMI about their OWN BODIES, Gayle? Is that even possible?].
The show ended.
Today’s show was a live group talk session similar to THE VIEW’s format–a roundtable with Oprah, Gayle, a blonde actress/comedian, and a generally useless man who’s apparently there to be a male prop.


Gayle released a stream of negativity about last night’s show that, based on her hints about her childhood, seem to suggest a deeply troubled experience with sexuality. I feel for her, but do not agree with her insistence that telling DAUGHTERS (she kept saying “daughters”) about masturbation was unacceptable.
My new friend Oprah stepped in and argued, “Wait, do you think the same thing about boys?”
Gayle: “Boys is a different matter.”
Oprah: Why?
Gayle: Because there’s a difference. Boys are naturally [insert gender essentialist/evo-biological party line about that famously uncontrollable male “hard-wiring” for sex].
Oprah: But there’s NOT a difference, Gayle. Girls and boys BOTH should know about their bodies and what gives them pleasure.
Gayle: Oprah, you just will not get me to agree with you. Teaching teen girls about masturbation is too much, too adult. They shouldn’t know this much about sex.
Oprah: THEY’RE ALREADY DOING IT, GAIL. And teaching them about giving themselves pleasure is NOT the same thing as telling them to go have sex with boys. If anything, as Dr. Berman suggested, it’s KEEPING girls from getting swept up in the moment and putting all their self-esteem in some guy.
Male panelist: Well, this whole thing freaks me out because it’s teaching women that men are redundant and that vibrators can replace us.
All other panelists: [Ignore him].
***All quotes are paraphrases created by me.

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

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