Can men be feminists?

This is my second post (the first one I just wrote earlier today) so please go easy on me.  I totally love and respect the feministing community, and I really would love to see this question debated thorougly.

The question, "can men be feminists?" is one that I have seen a lot of different opinions on and reactions to.  My response to that question is that I think we need a new word.  I think that men acting as feminists parallel in some ways to a white person working for or speaking for black rights.  Men can never be women, they will never experience life from the perspective of a woman, and they will never be subject to the same oppressions or vulnerabilities entailed by womanhood.  I think that men working in favor of feminism are essential to feminists work, but I prefer to call them bridges, not feminists.  I think that Bridges are necessary relationships to open doors (among other things).  For example, in a group where men are dominating the conversation, sometimes it take a man’s voice, someone who the dominators wills see as a peer, saying, "We need to hear from the women," in order to get the conversation to open up.  The reason I think these men should be called bridges and not feminists is because these men still have power.  Some of the most prominent bridges in my life and favorite people are guys who still make mistakes.  These are occasional happenings, but still sexist mistakes that only a man would make.

Up until now, this seems like a simple yes or no question.  But here’s where my brain explodes with questions.  First, I’ve voiced this opinion to some of the bridges in my life, and they’ve felt hurt at being marginalized in the conversation (at least via the title I’ve refused them).  Considering that feminism is about gender constructs and power relations not just women’s rights, this is a legitamate concern.  However, haven’t women been marginalized for… forever??  Isn’t it time that we had a space for women to speak as the primary voices, the go-to people?

The questions continue, and my abilty to see the issue so simply degrades.  I had a counselor in college who is a gay man, and he made the point to me once that he argued that all gay men should be feminists because of the way that the same structures that are used against women are used also against gay men.  The easiest example of this is demasculation of gay men–why is that bad?  It can only be bad because being a woman is bad.  So then where does that leave a gay man–even a masculine gay man?  Not to mention the trans community!  Can a transgender or transsexual man-to-woman or woman-to-man be a feminist then?  I have no idea.  I think gender issues faced by the trans community are very much issues of feminism.  Though, that said, trans people face problems that I as a woman-born-woman will never face.  And I face problems that they may never face.

Then is the solution to say that heterosexual men are bridges, and men who identify sexually as a minority are feminists?  I think I’m confused from all the questions.  I really want to hear what the community thinks on this one.  I think it’s a complicated issue about power and access.

So, what do you think?

[p.s. forgive my lack of knowledge regarding trans terminology.  If one of you can give me some of the vocab surrounding transsexuality/gender, I would really appreciate it.  I’d like to write a post about that later.]