Subtle Ways to Tell Your Man He’s a Sexist Prick

We’re all too aware of how (hetero)sexist and obnoxious could be, but this was too good (or should I say, bad) to not highlight. One of their many features is a “Top 10″ list of advice, ranging from money problems to relationship tips – including their most recent Top 10: Subtle Ways to Tell Her She’s Getting Fat.
That’s right, how to deceive your partner into losing weight. This includes a slew of shame tactics, including:

  • Buy her clothes that are too small (manipulation!)
  • Serve her small portions of food (starvation!)
  • Rig her chair to break under her (WHAT!)

Telling straight dudes that they should a. be turned off by their SO’s weight gain to begin with and b. encouraging them to emotionally manipulate them and go as far to potentially injure them by rigging their fucking chair is reprehensible.
Send an email to the site and give them your “Top 10″ of why they should take that feature down. And don’t be subtle about it.

Join the Conversation

  • Alma


  • Alma

    what’s DTMFA?

  • Liza

    Dump That Mother Fucker Already?
    I’m not up on my acronyms but that’s my best guess. It was either “already” or “anon.”

  • Liza

    Here’s a delightful scenario:
    Boy asking me out: “Would you like to go to the beach this weekend?”
    Me: “Are you trying to tell me you think I’m fat?”
    Boy: “WTF are you talking about? Why would I ask you to the beach if I didn’t want to see you in a swimsuit?”
    Me: “Are you trying to ‘inspire’ me by making me see all the hot thin people at the beach?”
    Boy: “You know what, fuck this. You’re a paranoid psychopath. Let’s see other people.”
    Ergo, would even ruin a (hypothetical) relationship with a decent guy who is smart enough to NOT read

  • m5roberts

    He also assumes that EVERYONE ELSE will be slender. Chances are, she’ll see a lot of other people just like her, and she’ll be happy, as she should be.

  • Chrissy

    I particularly *enjoyed* these lines: (/sarcasm)
    “she may not realize that she’s being tricked into shedding a few pounds, and even if she does, you’ll end up with a happier, more self-confident girlfriend rather than a grumpy lard-ass.”
    –Really? Really?
    “By making her ask for more food, you might succeed in shaming her into an acknowledgment of her recent weight gain,”
    –Why would I want to shame someone I love?? This is absolutely horrifying.

  • Opheelia

    All your points are right on, but I particularly love the “It is poor journalism.” Seriously- nothing makes men more uncomfortable than being told they suck at their jobs (except maybe that they suck in bed), and these asshats need to be made to feel uncomfortable.

  • Kathleen6674

    Also, tell him that women lose sensitivity in their nipples when they get implants. That should shut him up.
    Not that I recommend staying with him…

  • Napalm Nacey

    Send him a peanut?

  • Napalm Nacey

    You’re beautiful, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

  • Napalm Nacey

    Considering my nipples aren’t all that sensitive in the first place, that’s a definite and eternal “HELL NO” from me. Not that I need implants – I’m a D cup naturally!

  • plasticrose

    Why would anyone want to shame or abuse somebody they love like this? It’s horrible beyond words. I used to be severely anorexic, so I know what it’s like to be ashamed of my body, and my weight. I’m embarrassed to say I even shed a tear or two over the abhorrent advice in that article because it’s just so goddamn cruel. It’s really upsetting. What the hell is wrong with the world?

  • Tsunade

    Thank you. I wish my ex were more like you when I was very sick with ED.
    Clearly, women struggling with body image hurts their relationships too. We get irritable. Sex hardly happens. Can you imagine trying to seduce someone who feels like a whale? It doesn’t happen.
    Men need to step up and invest in feminism too, because they have a lot to benefit from it.

  • plasticrose

    Well said.
    What I love about it is all the AskMen readers using the old “oh don’t listen to the fatass ugly feminists they will never get a man anyway” card. Fucking hell. I’d much rather be an ugly fatass than somebody with a peanut for a brain who can’t string together a decent intelligent argument and has to resort to those kinds of name-calling.

  • idiolect

    Okay, all my outrage for the day is tapped out and it looks like you guys have got it covered anyway, so I’ll just go for general befuddlement:
    I really honestly just don’t get what’s up with this image of the world where lovers are in constant judgment over each other’s bodies and such. Sure, our bodies are important, but not like this… I mean, for example, my own lover could be described in a number of ways physically: tallish, relatively young but also not so much a ‘kid’ any more, was obviously one of those stick-thin guys in high school but now ([some number of] years later) is just kind of pleasantly out of shape. A little weird looking but in a very charming sort of way. And I think he is totally unbelievably hot. I’m not sure why, really, since there are probably plenty of guys out there who technically fall under that description who I am not as much attracted to — it might sound kind of cheesy, but there must be something about him as a person that I am so attracted to, not just him as a body. Now, I don’t think that ‘people’ and ‘bodies’ should be considered mutually exclusive at all, but instead, our bodies serve as sort of a certain kind of interface that we have for interacting with one another, and lord do I love ‘interacting’ with him ;) So I guess what I don’t understand is how it is that there are these guys out there getting involved with girls and then getting so crazy-neurotic about a few pounds here or there… and if it’s really getting in the way, why not just have a mature conversation about it?? I just can’t shake the feeling that these guys — and really people in general who completely buy into this whole patriarchal/hetero-normative/blahblahhoweveryouwanttosayit paradigm — I can’t shake the feeling that they’re just not even, like, doing the same thing that I’m doing here. I just can’t wrap my head around it; to put it bluntly, the experience I have with sex, particularly sex within an actual relationship where you’d be commonly cooking dinner for each other and such, just does not include any possible space for standing at a critical distance and judging each other’s bodies as mere, inert objects. And why in the world would you want to do that anyway? It’s just no fun for anyone…
    tl;dr — Sex: Ur Doin It Wrong.

  • idiolect

    Note: what does include room for that critical distance is if ‘girlfriend’=’trophy for other people to look at and judge me by.’ But again, come on people, not only is that obviously, uh, not-good on several different levels, but it’s also just not fun at all. The fun part happens when you lose that critical distance. I promise.

  • idiolect
  • idiolect

    Also, fwiw, turns out I look, body-wise, almost exactly like the picture that goes with #1 on the list, except the pale white vaguely irish looking version :P It feels pretty nice in here to me, so I’m just going to keep up with the “eating donuts in my track pants” or whatever other HORRIBLY TERRIBLE IMMORAL thing they think I must do to look like this. To AskMen – you guys have problems, please seek professional help.

  • ephraim

    excepting cases of serious illness or eating disorders (in which case you have bigger things to worry about), weight gain or loss, or any body transformation, is gradual. it’s not a matter of waking up one morning, looking at your partner, and saying, ‘oh you’ve crossed my line for attractiveness, sorry’. we have more agency over what kinds of bodies we find attractive than all that. if feminism has taught me anything, it’s that what bodies we find ‘attractive’ is socially constructed. i’d be highly skeptical of anyone who claimed that they just weren’t attracted anymore to a partner whose body changed (in a direction that just happens to be under-privileged/vilified by the partriarchy). it seems far more likely that they aren’t ‘attracted’ to the social stigma that comes with dating or being partnered to a fat person (or disabled person, or a sick person, or an aging person, or anyone else whose body doesn’t happen to conform to the conventional standards of attractiveness)

  • BlueRing

    Actually it’s not entirely true that every time they sign on for an exercise class that it’s a subtle “hint” to loose weight. My slip-of-a-thing sister had a very sweet boyfriend who signed them up to yoga because she has no relaxation/coping skills and a stressful job as a waitress, and he thought she might like it, however the difference twixt him and some asshat, is that when she said “UGH! I HATE YOGA!” he returned the certificates and got them some time at a rock climbing gym.
    But…he’s sort of an anomaly.

  • billiam345

    I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment expressed by the commenters — implementing this advice, aside from being instrumentally absurd, would be pretty cruel to put into practice.
    I do wonder, however, about another situation is similar, but distinct. My girlfriend is dissatisfied with her body, and often seems to be upset that she isn’t more thin. I’ve made it very clear to her that I think she is sexy and that she has nothing to worry about, but it doesn’t seem to help ease her mind very much (that may be a failing of mine for not communicating this more effectively, of course). For HER benefit, I would like to try to get her to come to the gym with me a few times a week (though it would also benefit me by making it harder for me to slack off and stop working out, which I have been doing lately). We had been doing this last summer, and aside from keeping us both in better shape, we had a great time spending time together. How can I try to bring this about without upsetting her? I want to honestly say, “I think you’re sexy/perfect/wonderful the way you are, and I don’t think you should be so upset with your body. However, given that it does seem to be upsetting you, I’d like to do what I can to help you change, and one way to do this would be to come to the gym with me a few times a week”. I don’t see how to do this without her interpreting the above as “you’re fat!”. Any thoughts?

  • Jamie073

    Ok, out of morbid curiosity I looked at some other AskMen top 10 lists. I found this:
    It must be some kind of joke. It just HAS to be…
    My favorite:
    “No.2 – Let her know you know
    Want to know a secret about female sexuality that 99% of men don’t know? Here it is: Many women feel compelled to vacuum their house when they’re ovulating…….. So, when a woman tells you she is vacuuming, say: “Vacuuming? Are you ovulating or something?” She’ll be stunned that you know this and wonder what else you know about female sexuality. Of course, if she doesn’t know what you mean, fill her in. Women love it when you teach them something new — especially about themselves.”
    That’s right guys. Women love shit like this.
    Seriously, if a guy asked me if I was ovulating when I was vacuuming (or EVER, really, how creepy is that?) I’d have a hard time not punching him in the face.

  • fancypants

    That reminds me of this season’s “Hell’s Kitchen,” and Robert’s continual mumbling screed of “that fat bitch,” or “250 pounds of dead weight” in reference to Lacey. Does this man not own a mirror? He weighs close to 400 lbs! He was also forbidden to ride in the helicopter with the other men due to liability issues.
    As for the article, I’m not going to click because I don’t want to give them the page hits.

  • fancypants

    Tell him you’ve just made an appointment for both of you for a plastic surgery clinical trial. Explain that your primary care physician told you about a new technique in its early testing stages that allows people with different blood types to “donate” fat, and has hooked you up with a cosmetic surgeon colleague. Your boyfriend can get rid of his unsightly spare tire and give you a new set of boobs in the process. Rehearse this speech and be very firm and serious when drilling him on his availability for the initial testing visit (note: this will only work if he would be squeamish about lipo).
    That said, I consider this to be abusive. I’d get rid of him promptly. What if you guys gave birth to a daughter in the future? I wouldn’t want him as a role model.

  • deerly

    This makes me so sad :( Lies and manipulation and SHAME are never ever ever the way you should treat your partner! Oh wait, I forgot men OWN the women they are with so they are just tricking and training their property -_-
    As someone who is becoming something of a gym rat and loves being in shape I can understand a partner wanting their partner to be in shape with them (WITH THEM being the key word here). I think it’s wonderful when a couple will MUTUALLY decide to get fit and doing it together is a great way to get creative and stay motivated! Of course, these men don’t want to get up off the couch and can’t be bothered to make an effort themselves!
    The fat man/skinny woman model is so so so offensive to me and it seems to exist on practically every sitcom and cartoon you can find. As if men are entitled to be fat, immature childish bafoons and women just HAVE to be lovely, intelligent, slender property and put up with their man’s idiocy.

  • deerly

    That is a tough situation and I think it would be even if your genders were different.
    It all really depends on your relationship, to be perfectly honest. How able you are to be candid and express feelings and trust the good intentions in them. It depends on past conversations and history and if it was fun before.
    I think that couples working out is the most fun thing ever! I think it’s important to be healthy and active and that that has nothing to do with being fat or appearances.
    I think it is so sad that the default feeling for allot of women is to be unhappy with their bodies, even if they are perfectly healthy and beautiful!
    Some people can also recognize something they think they need to change, or maybe want to change, but aren’t ready to make it happen. Someone recognizes that they want to loose weight, stop smoking, eat better, play video games less often… but actually DOING these things can sometimes be hard. New Years resolutions anyone?

  • LalaReina

    I thought the article was pretty funny myself. I know I look good but if my dude was getting chubby…

  • gentleman explorer

    I don’t say this to be a troll or contrary but when I wanted my girl friend whom I love dearly to lose a couple of pound I bought us some workout equipment and a workout DVD. I did this for two reasons
    1. She was not happy with the way that she looked
    2. I thought that she could look better.
    I think that the people who find that article offensive are discounting a few things. Its meant to me over the top and funny NOT an actual strategy. In addition so what if a man wants his girlfriend to lose some weight, its called being human, we all want to be with the best looking person that we can.

  • BDR

    From the man’s perspective:
    About clear and open communication: Ladies, I hate to break this to you but telling you that your ass is getting fat no matter how politely we phrase it will do nothing but cause a confrontation. Don’t believe me; ask your significant other if you look fat and watch closely as he squirms. I could tell my male friends their ass is getting fat but the women I know would flip a cog. For me, I don’t care about weight as long as a woman is happy with herself. That is what makes a woman sexy. Unfortunately so many of you are duped with the rest of the masses into believing you should look like this, talk like that, dress like her. Doubt me, count the number of shoes in your closet. Now for the closer. I would not be above subtle manipulation if I thought I was helping someone I cared about. I’m not saying I would rig a chair to collapse nor would I buy smaller clothes. I wouldn’t be above asking her to workout with me a few more times a week. Subtle and it doesn’t hurt her feelings.

  • idiolect

    sigh. Thanks for teaching all of us about what women are like, I’m sure they were entirely alien creatures to us before.

  • SaraLaffs

    I know, right? First of all, why would I casually mention to a guy that I was vacuuming??? (Do the AskMen writers ever encounter any actual women?) Second, I have hard wood floors. So what, I just never ovulate? What morons.

  • Anonymous

    I love this one too – I mean, wtf??? Do I wanna tell some guy what’s going on with my menstrual cycle when we’ve just been talking for five minutes? Let me think. No. And since when do you ever tell people you barely know about your vacuuming habits?
    Then, of course, there’s that wonderful line, “Women love it when you teach them something new — especially about themselves.” Because we need you big strong smart guys to make us learn things, cause we couldn’t otherwise.
    This stuff is seriously weird. I think they need female columnists to give them the skinny instead of sounding like jackasses.

  • SaraLaffs

    I have a wonderful idea: accept the fact that your GF knows she’s gained weight (because she’s putting on clothes every day) and then mind your own business. I don’t mean to be snarky, but this post touched a nerve with me because my ex-fiance used to harp on my weight all the time (we both gained about 30 pounds over the course of our three-year relationship). But at the same time, he’d pick on me for buying skim milk or diet drinks or low-sodium food, and whine when I took time for myself to work out.
    I completely understand having concern for your SO – NOT because she’s gained weight, but because she’s unhealthy and/or unhappy. The best thing you can do in that case is be supportive, examine your behaviors to see if you’re enabling unhealthy habits (like my ex’s beloved “cheese nights” – yecch) and above all, understand that her body IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

  • adag87

    It’s one thing to WANT your girlfriend to lose weight, but it is quite another to try and get her to lose the weight because you care so much about her appearance.
    If SHE wants to lose the weight as much as you want her to, fine. But that should be the ONLY reason that she is encouraged to exercise. She might not have your ideal woman’s body type, but guess what? THAT’S called being human. And I think it’s presumptuous to assume that everyone wants to be with the best looking person… I am not always attracted to the most conventionally attractive men. And I’m perfectly fine with that. And I’m sure many other people feel the same way.

  • pzm

    Don’t believe me; ask your significant other if you look fat and watch closely as he squirms.
    … You assume we’re all fat? Or that our boyfriends must be unhappy with our bodies??
    so many of you are duped with the rest of the masses into believing you should look like this, talk like that, dress like her. Doubt me, count the number of shoes in your closet.
    I don’t even know how to respond to this.
    Thanks for your valuable lessons on women. I think I want the “dislike” button back.

  • pzm

    That was a reply to BDR.

  • electrictoaster

    I have four pairs of footwear in my closet — sneakers, boots, flats and heels, for a total of eight shoes (and I didn’t even have to count!). Was I supposed to wear ratty sneakers to prom and snow boots to job interviews? I guess I am just not self-confident enough to walk around looking like I let a 4-year-old dress me. Maybe one day I shall be as brave as you!
    Perhaps your significant other would not feel quite so bad if you stopped “subtly” manipulating her into being thin. (And let’s face it, these tips are not subtle at ALL.) You may not be the cause but I don’t doubt that you’re making it worse. If you were having insecurities about your dick size, would you appreciate her use of ‘subtle tactics’ such as using a male porn star’s photo as her desktop picture, putting shady pills in the medicine cabinet, and buying condoms in the largest size she could find? Or would that make you feel kinda shitty, like she agrees with your belief that you aren’t good enough?

  • Travis Hedge Coke

    I really thought the linked article was a joke. And not like a witty pointed joke, but a roll-your-eyes oh-lord joke. And it’s… it’s… it’s real.
    I think I lost valuable brain cells and parts of my soul looking at that site.

  • emmy

    Oh, right. Those fat feminists can never get a man.
    Wait… I’m 225 pounds of angry feminist, complete with unshaven legs, and I have a husband who thinks I’m the hottest thing going, and agrees with my anti-patriarchy ranting.
    Not to worry, I’m sure they have some way to spin that.

  • emmy

    Hey, BDR, your ass is getting trolly. You might want to go on a douchebaggery diet.
    I mean, seriously, that’s just too offensive to be real.

  • Lorelei

    my boyfriend did this. i KNOW he was well-intentioned, i really do, he’s very ‘solution-oriented’ and he wanted to help me figure out how to feel happier about my body. but as someone who has an eating disorder, it nags in my head, and gives me an excuse to think to myself, ‘see, even your boyfriend thinks you’re a fatass.’ when that isn’t the case.
    i’d say don’t do it, because even though your girlfriend doesn’t have an eating disorder, she could be developing one (i’m just saying that as a ‘take no chances’ thing, not that it’s likely) and even if she is mentally healthy, it could be taken WAAAAAAAY the wrong way.
    the best way i could think of you doing this is just going to the gym anyway by yourself and seeing if she ends up asking to come along, since i assume she knows she’s able to if she felt like it.

  • blue

    You know, if these women were to break up with their boyfriends they will have immediately lost at least 160-200 pounds of condescending ass whole!

  • kelseyfro7

    “From the man’s perspective”: Not “the man” in general. Don’t try to be a spokesman for all men out there, because you do a great disservice to those, like my boyfriend, who aren’t idiots.
    “Unfortunately so many of you are duped with the rest of the masses into believing you should look like this, talk like that, dress like her. Doubt me, count the number of shoes in your closet.”: What exactly does the shoe comment have to do with anything? Suddenly I’m “duped by the masses” because I love shoes? If I were an individual I would own one pair of shoes and wear them everywhere? Give me a fucking break. Your analogy sucks.
    “I would not be above subtle manipulation if I thought I was helping someone I cared about.”: From the whole asshole-tone of your post, it’s pretty obvious your not-so-“subtle” hints are not for her benefit, but for yours. If you can’t accept her appearance, then I guess that’s your prerogative. But don’t drag her down in the process. If she already feels bad, I’m sure it’s not helping that she’s dating someone like you.

  • ShifterCat

    OMG. I think my husband might be ovulating.

  • UntouchableFace

    So why are men supposed to be forced into never being allowed an opinion on their partner’s appearance?
    Why is a guy who is no longer attracted to his girlfriend because she’s gotten fat an “asshole”?
    If a guy is up front about the fact that he’s not attracted to fat women, and his girlfriend gets fat, why is he suddenly a bad person worthy of the crap people here are saying?
    I notice that (especially on this site), women are quick to insult fat guys (Seth Rogen in “Knocked Up”, for instance), but defend to the death fat women.
    How many women here date fat guys? If you’re going to preach it, you’d better be practicing it.
    Though, again, I notice it’s always (according to feminists) the man’s responsibility to never speak up, and somehow always be attracted, even when he’s not.
    I often read the women here saying that they don’t care if someone finds them attractive or not, if they’re fat, yet… it always comes back to demanding people find you attractive despite your being fat.
    Makes no sense.

  • x-creepy-doll-x

    Hi! I’m dating a fat, bald, short guy! I find him attractive!
    …what were you saying?

  • UntouchableFace

    One personal example does not a rule make.
    I just dislike the hypocrisy of a website where so-called feminists can spend an entire article (and comments!) talking about how “Knocked Up” is unrealistic because no woman like the female lead would EVER want a “fat unattractive” guy like the male lead, and then talk about how unfair and awful it is that fat women don’t get the attention they think they deserve.

  • Opheelia

    So wait… I’m confused. You say you don’t care about a woman’s weight as long as she’s happy with herself, but you talk about not being able to tell a woman her ass is getting fat? And you’d ask her to work out with you because it’s subtle and it doesn’t hurt her feelings?

  • puckalish

    (caveat: this is a very heterosexist treatment of the male/female dynamic, but i’m writing it in response to a clearly straight-or-closeted moron, so bear with…)
    Um, there’s a wide, gaping hole between having “an opinion on [one's] partner’s appearance” and sabotaging said partner’s chair to fall apart.
    Also, there’s something to be said for the fact that most women are with men who take much less care in their own appearance than they expect out of the women they’re with.
    You see, this is why there are some comments on here to the effect that the author of the AskMen article should post a photo of his body.
    No one here is saying that you (or any other individual) has to find them attractive regardless of their weight. There is simply a sentiment that a partner is not worth having who would passive-aggressively attack his partner because of her body.
    Oh, and by the way, on the STFU tip, I, personally, would rather you just keep your mouth shut… because there are a lot of guys out here who would rather not have their images tarnished by self-righteous shitheads like yourself who just can’t seem to get it.
    Final note… I’d love to see a picture of you and BDR and of this author Thomas Foley (unfortunately, I’m striking out as it’s such a common name)… because my experience has been pretty steady that many men expect more of women than they do of themselves…
    Unfortunately, those of us who are a little more measured and balanced in our view of the world often get overshadowed by loudmouthed jerks like yourself. Oh, well…
    Final note: re: Knocked Up, are you talking about this article, because it’s certainly not as use describe it. The OP wrote that Katherine Heigl said the movie portrays women as “shrews, as humorless and uptight…” and that’s why it’s sexist. Or is it this article, which deals more with the movie as it pertains to reproductive freedoms… or are you talking about this quick hit where Jessica calls Rogen “adorable?”
    I’m confused. Oh, wait… no, I think it’s you who is confused. Because have you ever noticed that it’s HOLLYWOOD and the makers of your lovely movie that actually trot out this fat-ugly-guy/ petite-gorgeous-girl love story again and again? Here, the most I’ve seen is an analysis of why that whole type of story is screwed up. Whatever.

  • puckalish

    Two final notes, I just couldn’t hold back… Oh well.