Subtle Ways to Tell Your Man He’s a Sexist Prick

We’re all too aware of how (hetero)sexist and obnoxious Askmen.com could be, but this was too good (or should I say, bad) to not highlight. One of their many features is a “Top 10″ list of advice, ranging from money problems to relationship tips – including their most recent Top 10: Subtle Ways to Tell Her She’s Getting Fat.
That’s right, how to deceive your partner into losing weight. This includes a slew of shame tactics, including:

  • Buy her clothes that are too small (manipulation!)
  • Serve her small portions of food (starvation!)
  • Rig her chair to break under her (WHAT!)

Telling straight dudes that they should a. be turned off by their SO’s weight gain to begin with and b. encouraging them to emotionally manipulate them and go as far to potentially injure them by rigging their fucking chair is reprehensible.
Send an email to the site and give them your “Top 10″ of why they should take that feature down. And don’t be subtle about it.

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114 Comments

  1. Lilith Luffles
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 2:10 pm | Permalink

    Oh. My. God. I actually have nor words. Wait. I think I do.
    Using manipulation to tell someone something, without discussing the problem directly? Cunning when men do it, conniving, shrew, and a typical woman’s way of doing things when a woman does it.

  2. Barbaragordon
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 2:11 pm | Permalink

    you know women are always getting accused of being manipulative and sneaky. While men are “honest straightforward” blokes.
    Even if this is supposed to be a joke, its not funny just cruel. As a person who is very sensitive about her weight if my SO ever did ANY of this to me it would be grounds for dumping. THERE thats how your girlfriend can lose those extra 200 pounds! HAH

  3. Crumpet
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 2:17 pm | Permalink

    I think every man who has the gall to express disgust about his woman’s weight to tohers should be required to post a naked picture of themselves….and they’d better look damn perfect.

  4. anteup
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 2:28 pm | Permalink

    4. Stop being a dink and break up with her so she can date someone that isn’t such a fucking schlub.

  5. BROWN TRASH PUNK!
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 2:31 pm | Permalink

    I hope those guys (who do that crap) get cheated and then dumped. Worthless pigs.

  6. BROWN TRASH PUNK!
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 2:32 pm | Permalink

    hear hear

  7. Aner
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 2:37 pm | Permalink

    DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER. It’s one thing to unkowingly sit on a bee. It’s quite another to stick your hand in the hive.
    In response I move that someone come up with a list that lists the
    Top Ten Not-So-Subtle Ways to Tell a Man He’s Being an Ass.
    I think such articles illustrate why Shakespeare came up with the Nick Bottom Parody in Midsummer Nights Dream.
    As a Man I’m offended. Whatever happened to good taste?

  8. Reggie
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 2:38 pm | Permalink

    that is absolutely disgusting.
    The beauty of yoga is that if you dress it up as a way to relieve stress, she may not realize that she’s being tricked into shedding a few pounds, and even if she does, you’ll end up with a happier, more self-confident girlfriend rather than a grumpy lard-ass.
    By making her ask for more food, you might succeed in shaming her into an acknowledgment of her recent weight gain, and hopefully to instigate a conversation about what she’s going to do about it.
    are you fucking kidding me?!

  9. SarahMC
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 2:47 pm | Permalink

    I wrote about this today; I want to smash stuff (namely, the author of the handy guide).
    AskMen shows so much contempt for women; it’s disgusting.
    I’m working on Top 10 Subtle and Not So Subtle Ways to Tell Thomas Foley His Dick is Too Tiny.

  10. llevinso
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 2:49 pm | Permalink

    This is DISGUSTING!
    And while I’m busy being disgusted, some thoughts crossed my mind. Are all these “lard asses” dating waiters? Why are these men serving their girlfriends their food anyway? And why do the girls have to ASK them for more? Do they also have to ask to be excused to go to the bathroom? Are they not capable of getting up and getting more themselves? Or is it just that they’re sooo fat that the mere idea of standing up and walking over to the kitchen for more food is too much exercise? Or they’ve collapsed in the sabotaged chair and have broken their tailbone so moving physically hurts them now?
    Ugh.

  11. Jeniann
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 2:50 pm | Permalink

    You know, I bet the guys who plan to use these “tips” have far from perfect bodies themselves. I always thought one of the worst double standards was that women have to have great bodies but men can get away with pretty much anything short of being obese.

  12. Jeniann
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 2:51 pm | Permalink

    You know, I bet the guys who plan to use these “tips” have far from perfect bodies themselves. I always thought one of the worst double standards was that women have to have great bodies but men can get away with pretty much anything short of being obese.

  13. Nicole
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 3:02 pm | Permalink

    The thing I don’t get is why they think this is so clever. I’ve been on to boyfriends before that have done these very things–no woman is stupid enough to ever confuse a recommendation that she take exercise classes as anything other than an attempt to get her to lose weight.
    And there’s this one: “If she seems content staying at home eating donuts in her track pants, why not start taking her to places where she has no choice but to where a swimsuit? As she awkwardly looks around at all the slender bodies having a great time, she’ll more than likely vow to do something about her recent weight gain, especially if she knows she’ll be back there in the not-so-distant future.”
    Um, what? So you have to be slender to have a great time? Newsflash: I, a not-so-skinny girl, just came back from a fantastic week at the beach where I particularly enjoyed myself, in a bikini, thank you very much. In fact, one day on the beach, my current boyfriend and I shared some deliciously fattening beers. That was quite enjoyable.

  14. RoseRose
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 3:14 pm | Permalink

    Just… wow. I’m fat and I have fun. I admit, I don’t wear bikinis, but heck, I’d wear a swimsuit around my fiance. He’s the person who DOES make me feel comfortable about my body. Any guy who follows that advice doesn’t deserve any girl. As my fiance tells me whenever I say I’m too fat to be pretty for him (usually whenever something in the media gets to me too much), “Don’t loose weight for me. The only reason you should is if YOU want to for yourself. I love you the way you are.” THAT’S a real man.

  15. llevinso
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 3:16 pm | Permalink

    Wait a second, you’re trying to tell me that it’s possible to enjoy yourself even if you’re not thin? Well who woulda thunk it!

  16. Disarm33
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 3:17 pm | Permalink

    Wow, what a load of crap. First of all I’m not stupid, I’m pretty sure I (and most women) would figure out that my man was being a manipulative asshole pretty quickly if he did this stuff. Second, how the hell does this author think women don’t realize they’re gaining weight? When I gained weight I knew it. I had to buy new clothes and deal with all the stigma larger women get. And you know what? My boyfriend stuck with me through all of it and loves me just the same. If he had ever pulled this shit, I would have been gone real fast. He has also gained weight over the years but I don’t care and I’d never pull this kind of crap either. Fuck you, Askmen.com.

  17. AgnesGrep
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 3:26 pm | Permalink

    I wasn’t going to click the link but I’ve never visited that site so I did. The stomach in the photo could be mine. Shit, I’m fat. Thanks Askmen.com.
    It seems to me that men who like this kind of crap are the kind of men who shouldn’t be around women. If they loathe us that much they should just STFU and stick to themselves.

  18. Auriane
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 3:33 pm | Permalink

    Though I’m not a lawsuit happy person, I hope if anyone is dumb enough to ACTUALLY sabotage his girlfriend’s chair (#3) after reading this that the injured woman sues the crap out of askmen.com

  19. gaimangirl512
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 3:38 pm | Permalink

    Oh my god, y’all, that site is hysterical! There’s one list that’s something like the Top 10 ways to flirt with a woman sexually (yes, it really is something that retarded) and one of them (I’m not making this up) is to ask a woman if she’s ovulating if she tells you that she vacuumed the house recently. Because women apparently vacuum the house when ovulating. (Apparently I rarely ever ovulate.)
    Most of the others are just as stupid. I was rolling on the floor laughing.

  20. Taylor
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 3:39 pm | Permalink

    The woman in that picture is not even fat.
    This article is so bull shit I can’t even believe it.
    I was literally shaking as I wrote on the feedback page.
    This site is literally a model for everything that is wrong with the patriarchy we live in.

  21. e
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 3:47 pm | Permalink

    This made me absofuckinglutely furious. I responded:
    “Top 10 Reasons You’re A Sexist Asshole:
    10. You think it’s a man’s duty to control a woman’s weight and, therefore, body.
    9. You think coercion is an intricate part of a healthy relationship.
    8. Likewise, you think manipulation within the context of a relationship is perfectly acceptable.
    7. You would go so far as to rig a woman’s chair, which would lead to inevitable shame and embarrassment on her part, just to send such an “important” message
    6. You neglect to acknowledge that the human body ages and changes over time, sometimes leading to weight gain that is more difficult to combat than it was in your 20s. Hey, doesn’t that happen to men, too?
    5. You’d apparently rather be involved with women who are preoccupied with their size and shape than women with abundant self-confidence, intelligence, and passion.
    4. You suggest that love or feelings are contingent upon physical appearance.
    3.You believe that all women feel should be shamed into feeling guilty about their bodies, and that men should control such shaming.
    2. …Which also means you subscribe to heterosexist ideals of relationships, gender roles, and patriarchal male dominance.
    1. You work for askmen.com, enough said.
    Thanks for an enlightening look into the inner workings of patriarchy! Oh, and by the way- fuck you.”
    SO FURIOUS.

  22. gaimangirl512
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 3:47 pm | Permalink

    So in other words the men that write for and take this site seriously are about as far removed from Planet Reality as you can get. Their methods do not compute with Earth logic.

  23. Melinda
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 3:52 pm | Permalink

    Yeah – the problem here is lack of taste. Nailed it!
    Yikes.

  24. vtfem
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 3:54 pm | Permalink

    I was just going to say, If you write in “Top 10 of why they should take that feature down.”, please post here as well.
    Nice.

  25. Lynne C.
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 3:55 pm | Permalink

    I’m banned from commenting on that site it seems. They won’t let me. Don’t know why. Oh well, they have plenty to read there already.

  26. The Boggart
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 4:07 pm | Permalink

    AskMen.com – because we all know that the best relationships are built on a strong foundation of lies, deceit, lack of communication and passive-aggressive emotional manipulation!
    Seriously, whatever happened to just, y’know, sitting down and *talking* about any issues you might have?

  27. The Boggart
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 4:11 pm | Permalink

    Exactly! She’s just an ordinary model with a washboard stomach who has been dressed in a children’s blouse*, who is arching her back (check the angle).
    *For that fake “straining rolls” look.

  28. The Boggart
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 4:16 pm | Permalink

    Also this “advice” is practically guaranteed to push women into comfort eating, or to give them an unhealthy relationship* with food where no problem existed before.
    *As opposed to just an unhealthy relationship with a misogynistic prat with all the emotional maturity of a thirteen year old.

  29. Annalee
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 4:18 pm | Permalink

    Kelsey, over at Bitch Magazine, already covered this article more than a week ago.
    http://bitchmagazine.org/post/10-ways-to-subtly-want-to-puke-all-over-askmencom

  30. Anonymous
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 4:22 pm | Permalink

    I actually laughed at because it was so bad.
    Here’s my reaction:
    “Buy her clothes that are too small “Oh,” you might say, “I thought you were a size 8. Isn’t that what you were last summer?” The onus is now on her to do something about it”. 
    - No, actually, the onus is on you to return the fucking shirt and stop trying to control her wardrobe. The only onus on her is to kick you out of her fucking house.
    “Set out on your own weight loss plan
    By referencing yourself in any plans to lose weight, you’re also subtly telling her that you’re not the only one who might benefit from a diet”
    - way to be passive aggressive, baby. Wait. Lemme just get comfy on the couch with my popcorn while I watch your manly man bits straining and sweating and grunting. Ooooo, that’s nice. Now lemme see ya eat those carrots. Awww, you’re so cute!
    “Serve her unsatisfactory portions
    If you feel as though you’re starving yourself in the process, remember you can always go back for more when she’s not looking”.
    - Because you’re an asshole with double standards, and you certainly don’t want to feel her pain, just give her some
    “Ask her to wear an old dress
    Follow it up by telling her how good she looked in those days, and maybe she’ll make it her mission to get back to that size”
    - Or maybe she’ll make it her mission to shut you up by getting rid of you, since you clearly don’t care about her.
    Sabotage her chair
    Sometimes as men we have to get downright nefarious to get what we want.
    - Of course when women do that, we call the cops or sue them, because they’re dangerously manipulative bitches, but in our case, we’re not assholes, we’re just exercising creative morality

  31. Opheelia
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 4:25 pm | Permalink

    PLEASE email that to them!

  32. Sevyn
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

    Funny, I think my current boyfriend must have read this article before it was even written! Impressive.
    He’s been making equally “subtle” comments and gestures to express to me how dissatisfied he is with my weight loss and consequently smaller boobies for about two years. My old bras tended to be lying around everywhere, I would find hilarious clippings of “Bust Plus” ads on the fridge, etc. A warning to all you ladies out there: if you do not respond “appropriately” to these helpful suggestions, the next step he might be forced to take to “assist” you is making bra-stuffing jokes in front of friends, and directly saying “your boobs are too small.”
    Finally, are you all ready for the punchline? Since we were together (from many years ago) he’s gained a lot of weight, right in the beer belly and love handles, and I have never mentioned it or tried to make him feel bad about it in any way! LOL! or not.
    Men don’t need to read this bs to learn to be fucking assholes, I believe they just read it to convince themselves they’re not reprehensible ogres, it’s just the way the world is. Gotta love privilege. Sorry to rant, this crap just set me off today for some reason.

  33. The Boggart
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 4:48 pm | Permalink

    I’m sorry to hear about your situation, the “passive-aggressive belittle you in public” shtick sounds particularly wearing. You really don’t have to put up with it.
    If it were me, I would try confronting him directly by saying something like: “if you want me to risk my health and quite possibly my life by undergoing a risky, expensive surgical procedure which involves unnecessarily shoving bags of silicon into my perfectly healthy and normal breasts whilst under general anaesthetic, then by all means say so or forever hold your peace!” Either that or secretly loosen the screws in his chair legs… ;-)

  34. SarahMC
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 4:54 pm | Permalink

    DTMFA

  35. vtfem
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 4:56 pm | Permalink

    As a side note, I’ve never had anything that feministing.com references blocked at work. I’ve looked up vibrators, sex columns, and more. But Askmen.com was blocked for “sexually explicit content, gambling, or cult material”.
    Now I’m even more interested in looking it up when I get home – barf bag in hand.

  36. The Boggart
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 5:00 pm | Permalink

    Wait, I have a better idea: secretly loosen the screws in his chair legs and *then* DTMFA!

  37. Tsunade
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 5:23 pm | Permalink

    Don’t mention barf bags – I think they might make that no. 11.

  38. Aner
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 5:34 pm | Permalink

    Yes, The problem is taste.
    Good Taste, as in decency. Not being humiliating or condescending to people. Both Men and Women deserve this. There should be a basic system of values that allows and respects the dignity of everyone. Common Sense, Good Taste, whatever you want to call it, its the bedrock upon which a reasoned enlightened existence, that supports and upholds the dignity of everyone, rests.
    Articles like the one above are in poor taste because they degrade people. However you want to define it we need more good taste and less vulgarity in our public discourse. Vulgarity demeans, disenfranchises, and limits, in a sense it is one of the origins of an opressive mindset. Good taste raises the level of discourse, challenges opinions without being hostile, and leads people to think about why they hold the opinions they do.
    I’m all for good taste.

  39. GREGORYABUTLER
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 5:52 pm | Permalink

    Perhaps they meant “explicit sexist cult content” because their writing staff are uniformly misogynist!

  40. baddesignhurts
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 5:54 pm | Permalink

    WORD.

  41. Epsilon
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 5:54 pm | Permalink

    As a straight male, I am absolutely
    appalled by shit like this. My girlfriend
    (who is a feminist, no less) is constantly
    complaining about her weight, and no
    matter how much I try to convince her that
    I find her sexy and beautiful exactly the
    way she is (she may be slightly overweight
    by a strict clinical definition but damned
    if I don’t actually prefer her that way.)
    If they really want to help men out, why
    don’t they make a Top 10 List about
    helping your significant other feel good
    about her body, no matter what size or
    shape. Instead, they continue to
    perpetuate the kind of nonsense that makes
    pretty much every normal woman feel like
    shit about herself.

  42. alice-paul
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 5:58 pm | Permalink

    These behaviors are not just sexist and mean-spirited, but verbally/emotionally abusive.
    I’ve dated people of both genders, at different points in my life, who used similar shame tactics to control me.
    In one case, I had gained weight from RECOVERING from an eating disorder, so I went from around a size 00 and 100 lbs to a 4/6 and 115 lbs within about a year. I was feeling pretty healthy, with the help of therapy. But my partner used “subtle tips,” including, um, telling me I was eating too much (even in front of other people), commenting on how hot other women looked who were thinner than me, and other stuff mentioned on this hideous list. Guess what? This demolished my self-esteem and triggered the ED to come back! Imagine that.

  43. rebeckery
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 6:19 pm | Permalink

    That article may seem like despicable sexist manure, but it does have a point. If I had a partner who treated me like that, I suppose I really would realise that I had a lot of weight to lose: around 180lbs of abusive asshole.

  44. Anonymous
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 6:24 pm | Permalink

    That’s inexcusable. You should be able to sue boyfriends for that kind of emotional abuse, most especially if it’s caused you health problems.

  45. Opheelia
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 6:34 pm | Permalink

    I just had to read that one… The intro says that they recognize that it’s hard to flirt without coming off as a perv. And then they basically give you a “Top Ten Ways to Sound Like a Perv” guide. Accuse her of being naughty? Make comments whenever she says big, juicy, hot, wet, etc? My stomach hurts from laughing.

  46. raq
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 6:44 pm | Permalink

    I worry about some woman who might read this list might start becoming anxious about perfectly normal things on this list. I mean, my boyfriend does stuff like stroke or grab my ‘love handles’ (otherwise know as my hips, or waist, or whatever, and are things that are darn sexy), and he suggested that I should wear the dress that I wore on our first ‘special’ dinner when we went back to the restaurant (it doesn’t fit anymore because I was actually bigger back than) or he’s suggested that I start doing yoga again (I’ve been struggling with depression and this was in the context of discussing coping mechanisms). I mean, if I was insecure about my weight, or how he viewed it, this list would have me freaking out. I’m not, but I definitely agree with Bitch’s assessment of the article. It’s just plain mean-spirited.

  47. Opheelia
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 6:45 pm | Permalink

    Ten Good Reasons to Dump the Douchebag
    10. He feels he has the right to try to “subtly” change you using shaming, manipulation, and deceit.
    9. See #10.
    8. See #10.
    7. See #10.
    6. See #10.
    5. See #10
    4. See #10.
    3. See #10.
    2. See #10.
    1. He goes to AskMen.com for dating advice.

  48. raq
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 6:50 pm | Permalink

    Just wanted to add that people have a right to have an opinion about their sexual partner’s level of attraction. I mean, if the weight gain or loss as been significant enough that it’s radically altered your attraction to them, you should be able to voice it in an a sensitive and polite manner. (I’ve been on the end of watching significant weight gain in my partner and having to eventually say something about it). Bullshit like this article just reinforces the taboo against honest discussions regarding sexual attraction between couples.

  49. GiaCor
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 7:07 pm | Permalink

    hahha I like opheelia’s! I thought I’d add my list, I hope it wasn’t lame!
    Here are my top 10 reasons you should fuck yourself and take this list down
    1. It brainwashes men into rejecting weight gain in their partner
    2. It supports the idea that fat is wrong, skinny is right
    3. It OBJECTIFIES women.. what a crazy fucking notion??!
    4. It supports the idea that men should have en element on control over their SO.
    5. It supports the idea that you should get involved with what your SO does with her body.
    6. It strengthens the barriers between men and women
    7. It supports unequal relationships
    8. It is dishonest
    9. It offends women
    10. It is poor journalism
    May you have a horrible life and all ‘your women’ leave you for your fucked up mentality and lack of intelligence.

  50. Jenny
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 7:46 pm | Permalink

    Oh, good lord – if any guy used any of these on me, I’d be seriously disgusted. I feel like I need to wash out my brain with soap . . . just the thought of some sleazeball trying any of these lines on me in a bar or something . . . *shudder*

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