Notes from an Intergenerational Conversation

Some of the take-aways from last night’s intergenerational discussion on feminism, work, and the economy at 92Y Tribeca:

• There is an opportunity, this economic downturn, for all sorts of gender shake-up. When we’re forced to recognize that old styles of leadership and assumptions about gender roles are no longer valid, we can get even the most reluctant folks to try a more enlightened, equal approach. The media coverage of this phenomenon has been totally unsatisfying (dads who cook! women who work! what a revelation!), but in truth, there is something interesting going on.
• American workplaces won’t change–in policy or culture–until men take this on as their own issue just as women have for years. If they can’t do it under this big tent movement called feminism, maybe they can invent their own way of owning the issues. I recommend John DeGraff’s Take Back Your Time organization as one way for men to test the waters.
• When older women are happy with younger women, they refer to them as empowered. When they’re irritated, they call us entitled. The real meaning of entitlement is “a belief that one is deserving of certain privileges or rights.” Sounds like what feminism had in mind all along, no?
• The word “choice,” as you might imagine, came up an awful lot. Gloria Feldt, who is part of the ungeneration and has been through a lot of life, gets irritated when women lament how difficult it is to have so many choices. Debbie Siegel, 40-years-old and facing lay off woes with her husband, talked about men being in a unique position to choose how they want to remake masculinity in this age of uncertainty. Elizabeth Hines, in her early 30s and 9 months pregnant, talked about how it never seemed like there was a “choice” to be had in her family. Women worked through motherhood, no question about it. I am really interested in the idea that feminism is too often cast as heroism instead of self-respect. In other words, it’s been perverted to meant that you choose yes on everything, rather than carefully choosing autonomy, health, fulfillment, and yes, family, if that’s what you want. I think our outlandish expectations for ourselves mixed with that sense so many women have that only they can make the dinner, have the talk with their teenage daughter, clean up the living room etc. well enough, perpetuates this sense of never being enough, either in work or family.

This is just a fraction of what we explored, but I thought I’d share a little for those who couldn’t attend. Check out Elisabeth Garber-Paul’s take on the panel over at RH Reality Check.
There’s going to be another intergenerational pow-wow, Unfinished Business–Women’s Vision for the Nation: What’s It Going to Take?, this weekend at the Brooklyn Museum of Art for anyone that’s interested. Deets here.