Mom Jeans

I’m not and never have been very clued in to fashion. Somehow I missed the memo that I shouldn’t wear “mom jeans”. This clip from SNL is from years ago, but I just saw it recently:

Well. I’m a professional (software engineer), I have my master’s degree, I drive a spiffy car, I have a nice singing voice, I enjoy good sci-fi, and I can be very witty to the point of making people laugh that deep belly laugh you don’t hear so often.

But I guess none of that really matters, because when someone sees me, they’ll think I’m some kind of pathetic… MOM. Frumpy. “Let myself go”. Don’t take the time or effort to make myself look nice.

Honestly, IF it wasn’t hard to find a pair of jeans that fit comfortably and still please the “fashionably correct”, I would probably not be wearing “mom jeans” right now. But I hate shopping, I refuse to wear something awkward and uncomfortable, and I feel like I have much better ways to spend my time and energy than pleasing people who will probably just move on to complaining about my “muffin top”. Cuz yeah, I have a “mom” body. While I’m not particularly fat (my BMI puts me in the range of “normal”) giving birth to two children has left my body with 15 extra pounds and looking like a MOM (with a lower belly that sticks out and sags).

And what of it? Is it so horrible that I’m no longer “sexee”? Even worse, I don’t feel deep shame about it? Unfortunately, I do feel the disrespect, nay, the contempt people have for mothers in the concept of “mom jeans”. In the SNL skit, the “moms” were saying “I’m a MOTHER, not a WOMAN” (or something like that). So they weren’t women because they weren’t trying hard enough to be sexy? If you’re “devoting your life to kids” too much, you’re not “devoting your life to men” enough. (Oh, the heresy of devoting your life to neither!)

This whole thing is what I think of as an “abstract corset” that
women are forced to wear. I’d like to say I don’t really care what
people think, but of course I do. It’s not going to make me go out and
start dieting immediately. But it’ll make me feel bad and sort-of
inferior for a while. In the future, I’ll probably be tempted to
purchase jeans that are not as comfortable &/or spend more precious
time looking, &/or spend more money than I really want. And then
still not feel good about them.

Most mothers do not look like Angelina Jolie after they give
birth. They look like the women in the SNL skit. What is so
appalling/disturbing about the way a typical mother’s body looks? Is it
the sense that her body is “used”? Is it a fear of dying that makes us
fear the fat that builds in a natural way on women’s bodies during as
they age? Is it a fear of the way society limits mothers so severely? I
wonder sometimes if teen girls don’t try to distance themselves so
dramatically from their mothers because they want to be escape the
constrictions they see on all mothers. “Somehow, if we don’t look like
them, or carry the same purses, or drive the same cars, or wear our
hair the same way, we won’t be trapped in that trap.” Without even a
full consciousness of it, there is a part of them that is keenly aware
of these limitations. New moms who are all about losing the “baby
weight” are really, symbollically, trying to regain their freedom and
status.

I am pretty conscious of the conformity expected of me as a mother,
and constantly chafe against it. It means that I never really quite fit
in with other moms. Ironically, looking too much like a mom (without feeling bad enough about it) means I’m not acting like a “proper” mom.

Argh.

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

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