Do we have a better word than “privilege”?

Those of us who are both in academia and sensitive to the diverse lifestyles and intellectual perspectives of those around us know that there are some terms and ideas one doesn’t just throw out there into non-academic society, at least not haphazardly.
Academic ideas, no matter how prosaic they may seem to us (“Imagined Communities” still gets people riled up? Seriously?), rub some in the “general” populace the wrong way.
They are often denounced as pretentious, out-of-touch, pie-in the-sky (hence, the enormous popularity of politicians who indulge in and are rewarded for hokey, folksy populism).


Case in point:
I belong to a number of online/email communities in which I share a minority of characteristics with other members. On one majority-woman email list to which I belong, the women tend to be extremely heteronormative, praising their husbands as “Prince Charming’s,” using the terms “hubbies/DH,” to refer to partners, “moms” to refer to mothers, “little princesses” to refer to daughters, and “babies” to refer to all children, etc. There is one retired English professor in the group but other than her, I’m the only person in academia.
A member sent out an email that used a phrase I felt could be offensive to some. For purposes of illustration, let’s call say it was the cringe-worthy “those people.” I was concerned that other community members of that group, or future people with whom this member would come into contact, would be hurt by his/her unthinking use of the term.
Against my usually sound judgment, I “went there.” I posted what others probably might think was a sermon but which was certainly not meant to be didactic. I gently pointed out to the member that the term could be offensive to some, and explained the term is couched in “privilege.” I specified that I believed he/she was NOT meaning to be offensive, and that “privilege” is a thorny word because some people hear it as meaning “charmed life,” “silver spoon,” and “trust fund baby” and that it emphatically does not mean that.
Predictably, outrage erupted.
Several community members whom I had been happy to count as “online friends” reacted extremely defensively and heaped scorn and anger on me. “Political Correctness” was derided, loudly and often. The phrases “freedom of speech” and “stifling PC” were bandied about. (to which I responded quite cordially that the benefit to non-normative society members and to society in general of doing away with hurtful language far outweighs the “discomfort” we feel when having to choose our words more carefully).
Interestingly, the person I initially addressed never responded to my comment or to the ensuing uproar.
I remain convinced that the community member needed to hear this, from a friendly person, in a non-charged atmosphere. I’ve had privileges pointed out to me in the past, and was grateful to the people who told me; who wants to remain happily oblivious to something that generates language hurtful to others? That’s where hurtful, offensive language most often comes from–not from the outright racists and oppressors but from people who believe they are moderate, sensible, open-minded, while all the while unaware of their own privilege.
Do we have a better word than privilege? All words have multiple layers, but the potential for misunderstanding seems especially pernicious with “privilege,” which prompts a hearty “Not me!” from many members of the population. The idea of social privilege is far more subtle than its more popular meaning of pampered Rockefeller-type.
What word can gently clue in men to the systemic benefits afforded males, clue in majority-ethnicities or middle-income or average-weight people to the systemic power structure set up for them, etc, yet still not alienate people unused to thinking of themselves as advantaged?
How do we offer analyses in good faith and cheer, without coming off as insufferable know-it-all “academics”?

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

Join the Conversation