My Unsolicited Advice to the Women of “Dating a Banker Anonymously”

Check out smarty pants Linda Holmes interesting research on the legitimacy of lack there of, of the DABA ladies on NPR.
Warning: best read on an empty stomach. This one is a puker.
The New York Times rounded out its seemingly never ending informal series on how the economy’s downturn is affecting wealthy white people with a special little story yesterday entitled, “It’s the Economy, Girlfriend.” It turns out that women accustomed to dating men with lots of money (Do these women have jobs? Is heterosexuality a prerequisite for making it into the series?) are gathering online and in hot spots around New York City to commiserate about these tough, tough times. An excerpt:

In addition to meeting once or twice weekly for brunch or drinks at a bar or restaurant, the group has a blog, billed as “free from the scrutiny of feminists,” that invites women to join “if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life.”
Theirs is not the typical 12-step program.
Step 1: Slip into a dress and heels. Step 2: Sip a cocktail and wait your turn to talk. Step 3: Pour your heart out. Repeat as needed.
About 30 women, generally in their mid- to late-20s, regularly post to the Web site or attend meetings.
“We do make light of everything on the blog and it’s very tongue in cheek,” said Laney Crowell, 27, who parted ways with a corporate real estate investor last month after a tumultuous relationship. “But it all stems out of really serious and heartfelt situations.”

Prepare for feminist scrutiny ladies. Here’s the thing: humor is good. I’m glad that you’re poking fun at yourselves (I have to believe this is the case or I would lose a lil’ bit of my faith in humanity). I also understand that privileged folks feel pain too. I consider myself one of them in more ways than one and I bleed red like my less economically stable, less educated, less supported friends and allies.
But here’s the other thing. Commiserating about the new lack of bottle service in your life is not going to make you feel any better. It’s going to perpetuate your psychology of deprivation (an ironic state for a group of women who can still afford to sip cocktails). What will actually make you feel better, I promise, is to get sober about who is most deeply affected by economic downturn in this country and start seeking justice more sustainable than getting rich dudes to take you out to dinner at fancy restaurants. Here are a few stats to start you off:
Women make up 30% of borrowers for mortgages, but are 32% more likely than men to receive sub-prime mortgages, despite slightly higher credit scores (682 versus 675).
The National Council for Research on Women
The gender wage gap is now 22.2 percent.
Institute for Women’s Policy Research
Annual earnings for young men who are employed full-time year round are about 10% higher
than for young women who are employed full-time year round — $30,786 compared to $28,008.
Annual earnings for all other young men with earnings, which include part-time and/or part-year
earners, are about 32% higher than for all other young women with earnings, $15,033 compared
to $11,393.
Legal Momentum
In other depressing news: word on the street is that ex-Lucky Beauty writer Dawn Spinner, Laney Crowell, a beauty editor at StyleCaster, and lawyer Megan Petrus (the shallow minds behind DABA) are getting a big juicy book deal. This from an industry that consistently tells brilliant, hardworking women that there’s no market for books on feminism, class etc. Ugh.
Thanks to J. Courtney Sullivan for the heads up.

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