Why does it have to be either/or . . .?

. . . Can’t it be both/and?

(community member Bethany L. has also posted on this story)

Meghan O’Rourke, over at Slate’s xx factor blog has a post up, The Sexual Fluidity of Women about this weekend’s article on sexuality research and women’s desire in the New York Times Magazine . In the post, O’Rourke argues that the implicit question of the article is this: "Are contemporary women doomed to experience a schism between what their bodies lust for and their minds tell them they want?"

Don’t you just love it when questions and answers are framed in terms of what "women" (as a single corporate entity) experience or desire? The article itself, which appears to be an interesting round-up of contemporary research of women’s sexuality (I’ll have to sit down and read it more carefully when I have the time — alas, assigned reading takes priority this morning), poses the tiresome "what do women want?" question . . . as if we, as a some inexplicable half of the human species, are a problem to be solved. Women (unlike men, the question implicitly suggests): they’re so complicated and confusing!! They confuse us with their sexuality!  Isn’t the answer to the question "what do women want?" self-evidently "each one of us wants something slightly different"?  While I’m glad people now recognize that generalizations about human sexuality made from studying primarily male subjects is inadequate, redressing the problem by making generalizations about "women" doesn’t seem like a very useful response. 

I also do not understand why it’s useful to recycle the body/mind dichotomy when talking about sexual desire and experience. Regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or any other factor you can think of.  Our bodies and our minds desire different things in different contexts, at different points in our lives.  In my experience (in sex as well as elsewhere in life) it’s also quite possible to desire two seemingly contradictory things at the same time — without losing your mind or your integrity.  Framing a so-called dissonance between physical arousal and self-reported desire (an example O’Rourke highlights from the article) as a "schism" imagines that, just because our bodies and minds operate on different levels simultaneously, they are in opposition to one another — why should this be the case? Sexuality is beautifully complicated. Human beings are beautifully complex. In sex, as in everything else, our Selves — both body and mind — act and react in an ever-shifting composition of ways that scientific studies will likely never be able to fully document and explain.

cross-posted at the Future Feminist Librarian-Activist