A Boyfriend: The ultimate must-have fashion accessory!

I have a couple of friends, whose identities are sadly built around men. One of them feels too ashamed to be single, after splitting up with one bf, always goes back to her ex, because she “might as well,” and is too embarressed of being single, as if she needs a man to have an identity.
Another friend, and in hindsight I realise now how she was influencing me of succumbing to sexist ideals, would look at my Myspace and comment on me not being “photogenic” and spending ages lecturing me on the “correct” angles to take my pics, and ways to look sexy. She also got me into shaving my bikibi line, as “guys prefer it so much more” and generally how to be “sexy.” Also telling me one time “it feels weird to be single.”
Classic line that really gets on my tits? “Have you got a bf YET?” What’s with the “yet”? Since when has it been a rite of passage? I used to get so depressed by it, started hating myself for not being able to get guys I like and branding myself “not a real woman” coz of it, and becoming very bitter towards my mates who could get guys.
But as I’ve grown up, I’ve seen from many young women, they don’t want a particular someone special, they want a Boyfriend (with a capital B) like a must-have fashion accessory.


Reading back through my old teen mags, I’ve noticed a lot of propaganda in which there’s tips on how to “nab a cute guy” how to move, how to text, how to behave, be a virtual robot basically. (What’s with the whole “mirroring” technique I keep seeing cropping up? Copying the fellas gestures)
Is it any wonder then, with all this bullshit propaganda we’re facing, being told that our self-worth revolves around men? No wonder there’s such high abortion and teenage pregnancy rates, as young impressionable women are under so much pressure to date and have sex.
When I was about 16, I was so ashamed of being a virgin, that I got a mate to “arrange” for me to lose my virginity. How pathetic is that? But I’ve grown up so much more now and learned to be proud of my other achievements such as my exams, writing a book, learning to drive, that are worth far more than having any guy’s cock between my legs.
They say there’s a glass ceiling, but if we could all start believing in our personal self-worth and our individuality and not date men coz we feel it’s socially acceptable to do so, and start celebrating our talents and achievements, then we’ve already put a dent in the glass ceiling.

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

Join the Conversation