Dear Bush Cabinet,

Dear members of the Bush Cabinet,

Recently, I understand you’ve been considering regulations that would prevent women’s health centers from "discriminating" against those who, based on religious affiliations, do not believe in allowing women access to birth control. Personally, I think this is a fantastic idea! Since when have we Americans stopped people from exercising their rights to religious freedom in the public sphere? (except those pesky Native Americans. What did they think they were doing, building sacred sites in the middle of prime logging terroritory?).

Anyway, I was thinking maybe you could implement this idea in the other departments besides HHS too. I’ve always wanted to work for the military, but the trouble is, my religion specifically forbids fighting or helping others fight. Do you think the Defense Department could tell the army not to discriminate against me for my religious beliefs and let me in anyway? Also, I’m really interested in working for a big oil company (I mean, who wouldn’t be? That’s where all the money goes!), but my rabbi told me to respect the earth and keep it clean, so I wouldn’t be able to, you know, help them drill for oil or anything. But hey, they shouldn’t discriminate against me for that, right?

Thanks for your consideration, and here’s hoping you can make the next 8 years just as wonderful, exciting, and real-American as the last (even with that pesky Obama in the Whitehouse. I mean, when did sharing become an American value?)

Sincerely,

Me