Michele Bachmann’s Antiquated, Pimpy Holiday Cheer

Check out this ridiculously sexist Christmas letter that Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann wrote in 2003, in which she reinforces gender norms left and right and tries to pimp out all of her children, even going so far as to post a hypothetical singles ad for her son:

Chick magnate (sic) needs wife to put him through med school, clean house, pay bills and run his life. Must be willing to gamble against onslaught of socialized medicine diminishing return on investment.

To top off the creepiness, she lists one of her daughter’s hip measurements, champion’s another’s “modesty,” and calls her son a “female fantasy treasure.”
Happy (batshit crazy) Holidays! Minnesotans, are you seriously going to re-elect this woman?
Thanks to Anna Barberio for the heads up.

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36 Comments

  1. norbizness
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 1:00 pm | Permalink

    In all fairness, it will only be the Minnesotans in a specific district’s fault.

  2. dondoca
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 1:14 pm | Permalink

    Female chauvinist pig, along with Palin. FCP Club.

  3. vrandom
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 1:17 pm | Permalink

    I don’t know why the creepy factor had to be so high. I agree with the idea that she’s trying to pimp out and control her children.
    What a strange, stereotype-perpetuating woman.
    Poor kids…

  4. AnatomyFightSong
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 1:22 pm | Permalink

    Was she going for “chick magnet” or “chic magnate” there? Either way: feh.

  5. idiolect
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 1:24 pm | Permalink

    Wow, this letter is just nutty — aside from the creepy obsession with traditional gender roles & marriage, she just sounds… well, my eyes bugged out at the following — while speaking about her own “chick magnate[sic]” son and what he’s planning to do with his life, she writes “By the way, his career goal is psychiatrist. Can anyone spell n-a-r-c-i-s-s-i-s-t?” Christ! I can’t imagine what the family dinners are like. See also the designation of their youngest daughter as the so-called traditional “sacrificial lamb” who will have to take care of her parents instead of looking for a husband — this daughter is 9. o.0

  6. funkygroove
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 1:36 pm | Permalink

    As if that wasn’t enough to convince you that this woman is a bit nuts, check out this article:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-uptake/michele-bachmann-not-all_b_137463.html
    Or at least check out the video that’s embedded in the article, where she states that “not all cultures are equal”. In other words, American culture is at the top of the chain. Didn’t you know?

  7. Rachel_in_WY
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 1:51 pm | Permalink

    Well at least we now know that she can spell narcissist, unlike “magnet.”
    And funkygroove, didn’t you know that some cultures are “more equal” than others?
    What a freak.

  8. Lydia Encyclopedia
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 1:52 pm | Permalink

    I’m dressing up as Michelle for Halloween, I’ll be sure to buy a Christmas card at the store today and copy that down, to complement my “Un American people to spy on” notebook. She’s a horrible woman, but the perfect scary Halloween costume.

  9. judgesnineteen
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 1:56 pm | Permalink

    Hip measurements?!
    To be fair, though, Christmas cards from even slightly more normal people can be in hilariously bad taste. Makes Christmas more fun, I think, unless the person who wrote them is governing you.

  10. everybodyever
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 2:14 pm | Permalink

    Um, she hesitates to mention finding a frozen mouse outside her house because it’s “too weird,” but talk of sending her daughters to finishing school is kosher?
    All her mentions of her children seem like jokes laced with bratty contempt, as though she wrote the newsletter right after a bad family therapy session. Is she really suggesting that she thinks her daughter is going to wind up in juvie and calling her late father “a man of faults” with no real positives to counter it? With all those snide, too intimate remarks, the part about God’s plans, replete with waaaaay too many caps, are the most uplifting things in the letter.
    To be fair, though, I have never read a Christmas family newsletter I didn’t find totally fucking creepy. If you don’t talk to me often enough to have already told me all your important news of the last year, maybe you shouldn’t be wasting a stamp on bragging about, or making cracks at the expense of, your family to me.

  11. T-Monster
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 2:26 pm | Permalink

    Batshit crazy sums it up nicely, I’d say.
    Favorite Quote (about Elisa age 13, shopper extraordinaire):”was born to be the perfect wife and mother as the woman is ORGANIZED!”
    Vomit. Her poor kids.
    My aunt sends these long Christmas cards out detailing every moment from the past year about my cousins and all their academic and professional triumphs- sometimes we hear about the cat too. It receives a general eye roll when all 8 pages of it fall out of the overstuffed envelope. But she’s not pimping my cousins out and she’s not in public office now is she?

  12. margosita
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 2:26 pm | Permalink

    It’s only the Minnesotan’s in District 6 that have a say. I’m not in district 6, but this is a Minnesotan who would NOT vote for her, if I was. She’s a total loon.

  13. leah
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 3:01 pm | Permalink

    Well I don’t live in her district anymore (did at one point due to some wonky redistricting which paired my liberal area with a very conservative area), but I highly doubt she’ll win it. After her war on lightbulbs (ironically named the Freedom of Choice Act) and McCarthyesque rants, the RNC put her on the death list and pulled out funding. Heck, she was behind by 5 points before the RNC pulled funding.

  14. RedPersephone
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 3:44 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, if I had lived in her district when I was in Minnesota (she was first elected when I was still living there) I would have campaigned against her. Hell, since mental illness apparently isn’t considered to be a drawback in that district, I’d be a great opponent to her! (To be fair, of course I know that it was mostly the fundies that got her in there.)
    Sigh. I sometimes wish that I had kept my residency for a little longer, so I could do an absentee (I’m a student) and vote for Obama and Al Franken. I guess I just have to settle for being a resident of the bluest state, instead. :)

  15. sapientia paucis
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 3:57 pm | Permalink

    Who the hell got that letter? I can’t imagine sending something so bizarre to friends and family.
    I guess that’s why I’m a terrorist-loving, un-American, ex-pat (and I’m from a terrorist-loving, un-American blue state to boot!).

  16. johanna in dairyland
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 5:02 pm | Permalink

    I did live in her district when I lived in Minnesota – and I campaigned for her opponent, the most awesome Patty Wetterling. Yeah, MB is totally freaking absurd all the time. When she was in the state senate, I was at her committee meetings more than she was (and I didn’t even work at the capital). Thankfully, her recent Hardball flap has led to almost $1 million in donations to her current opponent. The fact that the sixth district is actually in play is unheard of.
    Please don’t judge the entire sixth district on this person’s behavior. There are some very nice folks up there, including my in laws. :)

  17. JKayOh
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 6:04 pm | Permalink

    At first I was wondering why you dragged something out from 2003–I had COMPLETELY missed the whole Hardball brouhaha. (I don’t have cable–sniff sniff) So, my Shock and Outrage may be a little late, but OMFG! Really?!? Members of Congress and the Senate should be INVESTIGATED? HFS!!! OMFG!!! Holy be-cripes and all the saints! If all of my emotions were not tied up in complete and utter SHOCK right now, I might almost feel bad for this person. I mean talk about not only stepping in it, but then walking all over the new white shag carpet. Whoooooaaaa! Crazy Train: next stop: End-of-careerville. Joe McCarthy is even spinning in his grave. (McCarthy: “Doesn’t she know about YouTube?” Jeeesh.)

  18. allegra
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 6:21 pm | Permalink

    Heh. I live in her district. Definitely not f’n voting for her. She’s also said some pretty racist crap, not just about Obama, but about immigrants.
    But, to be honest, I don’t much like her Dem challenger, Elwyn Tinklenberg, either. Apparently he was a pastor and isn’t especially pro-choice. Not cool.

  19. Smartpatrol
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 7:30 pm | Permalink

    To top off the creepiness, she lists one of her daughter’s hip measurements, champion’s another’s “modesty,” and calls her son a “female fantasy treasure.”
    *throws up in mouth a little, shudders, recovers*
    That’s just what every boy wants & needs: his mother screening & approving his dates. Way to thing things though, Rep. Bachmann!
    When I hear hate-filled, purity-ball organizing “Christians” like this run off at the mouth, I find myself wishing I was Jewish.

  20. Trees
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 8:12 pm | Permalink

    allegra, I’d read that Tinklenberg now identifies as pro-choice and is in favor of civil unions. After Hardball, there was a big push to raise money for him on DailyKos. I wanted to learn a bit more about him, because I will not support anti-choice Democrats (no matter how odious their Republican opponents).
    It made me wonder if he had previously tried to modify his stances because MN-6 has lots of conservative Catholics (my initial hunch) or if he’s had a sudden change of heart. I haven’t researched him for a while, though, so I don’t know how he’s explained it all. On the other hand, there are rumors of corruption (I’m not exactly sure what kind).

  21. The Boggart
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 10:03 pm | Permalink

    I don’t even know where to start commenting on the sheer *weirdness* of it all – but I will say one thing: 14 inch hips!
    Either her daughter “Caroline the Vibrant” is still pre-pubescent (which, if possible, makes it all the creepier), or she has confused her hips with her waist. In any case, that confusion still wouldn’t explain it, as even models’ willowy wasp-waists are generally at least in the early twenty something inch range. Maybe it was a typo?
    It irritated me, and not for obvious reasons, as I couldn’t decide if she bragging about her daughter’s potential fertility or not (wide hips being linked not just to general fecundity, but to the bearing of sons).
    Sorry to go on about such a silly thing, but being bored, and happening to have a tape measure to hand, I spooled out 14 inches and made a circle…
    The resulting ring was only marginally wider than the wide-brimmed coffee mug sitting on my desk. Spooky. If you happen to feel like thoroughly unnerving yourself, I suggest you conduct a similar experiment. Maybe we can all post the items on our desks which have a greater circumference than this girl’s waist.

  22. gopher
    Posted October 30, 2008 at 11:42 pm | Permalink

    Crazy! The origin of Americas erosion is clearly by these right-wing nuts. I hate how she sees women as simply maids. The erroneos belief that her son is a ‘catch’ is so delusional! Right, what woman doesnt want a chauvanist pig that doesnt clean the house he lives in, nor take care of the kids he helped make. (sarcasm) SWOON!

  23. CATB
    Posted October 31, 2008 at 12:00 am | Permalink

    That would be Minnesota’s 6th Congressional District… I happen to be in it.
    I’m disappointed this year because she’s running against Tinklenberg, a Democrat… but a very socially conservative one. He does not support legalized abortion, but he does support a ban on gay marriage. Oh, the choices I’m presented with this year. I consider myself a fiscal conservative, but I’m extremely liberal on social issues, so I usually can’t bring myself to vote for Republicans. So, I was actually tempted for a while to vote for Michele Bachmann, despite her being a nutcase, just because she’s a fiscal conservative and Tinklenberg isn’t going to be any better on social issues.
    After reading this and a few other things on her, though, there’s no way I can stomach it. Bob Anderson is the independent for our district this year, and I’m going with him. Out of the three social conservatives I’m presented with, he’s the only fiscal conservative who isn’t batshit crazy.
    ^^ Just thought I’d give you a little background on our election here.

  24. Trees
    Posted October 31, 2008 at 1:21 am | Permalink

    allegra snd CATB, this article says “Tinklenberg gave the delegates his unequivocal support for abortion rights, civil unions and a commitment to vote to withdraw troops from Iraq.” I assumed he wasn’t running on socially conservative ideals anymore. Does he want to legalize civil unions AND outlaw gay marriage? I’m having a hard time figuring out where he stands.
    http://tinklenberg08.blogspot.com/2008/04/endorsement-news-round-up.html

  25. allegra
    Posted October 31, 2008 at 1:41 am | Permalink

    Mmm. OK. I got my info about his abortion views from a college newspaper story, which I of course should have known better than to trust. But he actually WAS a Methodist minister for about 10 years, which just makes me a bit wary.
    Anyway, here’s how important women’s issues are to him: not important enough to make it onto the “Issues” section of his website: http://www.tinklenberg08.com/issues.html
    Anyway. It stands that almost anybody’s better than wingnut Bachmann.

  26. aleks
    Posted October 31, 2008 at 2:33 am | Permalink

    Representatives are elected by DISTRICTS, not by entire STATES(except for tiny states with only one). You’re thinking of senators. Michelle Bachmann represents a batshit crazy redneck district, the 6th, which is perfectly in tune with her usual level of nuttery. Last time the Dems ran a ridiculously liberal woman against her with predictable results. This time the DFL got smart and is running a very socially conservative Democrat against her, and with Bachmann’s self-inflicted wounds and the RNC’s abandonment of her Tinkleburger might have a chance. You’ll hate him.
    Trees said:
    Does he want to legalize civil unions AND outlaw gay marriage?
    **************
    Probably, as that’s the stance of almost every Democrat including Obama and Biden.

  27. aleks
    Posted October 31, 2008 at 2:35 am | Permalink

    Representatives are elected by DISTRICTS, not by entire STATES(except for tiny states with only one). You’re thinking of senators. Michelle Bachmann represents a batshit crazy redneck district, the 6th, which is perfectly in tune with her usual level of nuttery. Last time the Dems ran a ridiculously liberal woman against her with predictable results. This time the DFL got smart and is running a very socially conservative Democrat against her, and with Bachmann’s self-inflicted wounds and the RNC’s abandonment of her Tinkleburger might have a chance. You’ll hate him.
    Trees said:
    Does he want to legalize civil unions AND outlaw gay marriage?
    **************
    Probably, as that’s the stance of almost every Democrat including Obama and Biden.

  28. aleks
    Posted October 31, 2008 at 2:52 am | Permalink

    Trees said:
    On the other hand, there are rumors of corruption (I’m not exactly sure what kind).
    *******************
    Twinkleberry used to be Transportation Commissioner. He approved, apparently, some “no bid” contracts. Bachmann is claiming that he did this to favor his friends. I have no idea if that’s true, but there probably isn’t a strong case to make for it because Bachmann’s just dredging it up now that she’s (possibly) losing.

  29. Mocha
    Posted October 31, 2008 at 5:44 am | Permalink

    I live in the heart of PROBABLY the most republican part of 6th district (Forest Lake and Wyoming, MN–born and raised here with plenty of horror stories to tell). So I have to apologize in advance, because it’s not looking too much like Bachmann will be shoved out of office from where I’m sitting. My mom even said she’d treat my sister and me to a fancy dinner if Bachmann loses, completely serious, because it’s so unlikely that 6th district will go with a Democrat. The things Bachmann said probably made her even MORE appealing to the crazier people in my district, also known as the “racist, homophobic, sexist gun-clutching crowd.”
    However, I know a lot of people in places like St. Cloud (also 6th district) are seeing a lot more Tinklenberg signs lately. Perhaps we can keep our fingers crossed?

  30. Trees
    Posted October 31, 2008 at 10:08 am | Permalink

    Trees said:
    Does he want to legalize civil unions AND outlaw gay marriage?
    **************
    aleks said
    Probably, as that’s the stance of almost every Democrat including Obama and Biden.
    aleks, thanks for your responses. I interpreted CATB’s statement “he supports a ban on gay marriage” to mean Tinklenberg wants to amend the Constitution/supports a federal ban/might support the DOMA, not that he was “personally opposed to gay marriage” (a stock line from politicians). Am I wrong on this? I know Obama-Biden aren’t vocal supporters of gay marriage, but they oppose Prop 8 on the grounds of discrimination and Obama talks about the rights of states to decide. I live nowhere near Minnesota, but Bachmann has brought so much attention to this district!
    On another website, a poster suggested that more Democrats would vocally support gay marriage if homophobia/fear of a backlash weren’t such a huge problem in this country. I don’t know if that’s true (I suspect it might be). I can’t name a single moderate-to-liberal Democrat who has publically opposed an individual state’s decision to legalize gay marriage. Luckliy, we do have states that are fighting for equality.

  31. Zanashay
    Posted October 31, 2008 at 10:29 am | Permalink

    I currently live in MN and will definitely NOT be voting for this divisive republican!

  32. Zanashay
    Posted October 31, 2008 at 10:29 am | Permalink

    I currently live in MN and will definitely NOT be voting for this divisive republican!

  33. aleks
    Posted October 31, 2008 at 10:50 am | Permalink

    Trees said:
    I interpreted CATB’s statement “he supports a ban on gay marriage” to mean Tinklenberg wants to amend the Constitution/supports a federal ban/might support the DOMA, not that he was “personally opposed to gay marriage” (a stock line from politicians). Am I wrong on this? I know Obama-Biden aren’t vocal supporters of gay marriage, but they oppose Prop 8 on the grounds of discrimination and Obama talks about the rights of states to decide.
    ***************
    Ohhhhhh . . . no I don’t think Twinkleberry has come out in favor of the FMA. I certainly hope not. But I’d wager he’s a lot more sincere in “personally opposing gay marriage” than your average Democrat.
    On another website, a poster suggested that more Democrats would vocally support gay marriage if homophobia/fear of a backlash weren’t such a huge problem in this country. *****************
    I am 100% certain that this is the case. Fortunately, young people are DRAMATICALLY more tolerant regarding homosexuality, and the economic disaster seems to have temporarily diminished the usefulness of kulturkamp phony “values” issues.

  34. Astrid
    Posted October 31, 2008 at 11:53 am | Permalink

    So I am the only one who sees the humour and wit in her letter? The reference to the sacrificial lamb is just so obviously a self disparaging comment – that by ordinary people would just have come out as ‘We love her so much we don’t want her to move ever’… and the chic magnate is clearly a typical teenage boy too caught up in himself. The narcissist comment seems in that setting witty though loving to me…

  35. Velderia
    Posted November 1, 2008 at 5:46 am | Permalink

    /shudder
    I feel like… sorry for Minnesota’ns after reading that.

  36. GamesOnline
    Posted October 28, 2009 at 4:39 am | Permalink

    What a strange, stereotype-perpetuating woman.games

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