Fathers should not wax their daughters

Fathers should not wax their daughters. Anywhere. (An obvious sentiment if I ever saw one.) They also should not pimp their daughters. Apparently both of these clearcut parental boundaries are lost on this guy.

and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Both comments and trackbacks are currently closed.

44 Comments

  1. sgzax
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 9:23 am | Permalink

    Just because people come to you with their scary freak show doesn’t mean you have to put it on TV. Unless Tyra turned off the cameras, took the daughter aside, and offered her some way to escape from her horrible pimp/dad then the show behaved reprehensibly.

  2. -jro-
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 9:25 am | Permalink

    that is horrifying…it’d be one thing if *maybe* it was what she really wanted to do- but when she was in tears in the car it is very very obvious it was NOT what she wanted to do. Terrible…

  3. Posted April 30, 2008 at 9:35 am | Permalink

    I couldn’t even watch the video. The description made me nauseous.
    I’m at a loss for words to describe how horrified I am.

  4. chefmatt
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 9:40 am | Permalink

    Wow, that’s real good advice to give your daughter. “You have to be every man’s fantasy.”
    That is fucking sick.

  5. mizz.rush
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 9:50 am | Permalink

    Funny how an age difference of one year can mean the difference between going to jail and making it on national TV.

  6. Posted April 30, 2008 at 9:57 am | Permalink

    Nope. I gotta call feminist hypocrisy on this one.
    The young woman is a legal adult. The chant can’t be ‘it’s my body; choice, choice, choice, and then condemn those that make the choice.
    Unless, of course, you wish to enter the ‘moralist camp’.

  7. LittleA
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 10:03 am | Permalink

    Uh. I don’t think anyone’s condemning her. I think they are condemning the creepy waxing dad.

  8. AbbieNormal
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 10:04 am | Permalink

    locomotivebreath1901, I disagree. I think the problem being pointed out is not her choice of working at the bunny ranch, but the fact that her father seems to be pushing her heavily in this direction. He is an authority figure for her, and his behavior tells her that this is what she has to do. This creates a lot of doubt as to whether this is her choice, or her ding something that she’s really unhappy with because this male authority figure tells her it’s right.

  9. Olivia
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 10:09 am | Permalink

    That poor girl! How horribly sick it is that her own father sees her only value as a sex worker.

  10. Eef
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 10:25 am | Permalink

    This is creepy. The fact that she’s 18 doesn’t make it any better. I don’t think she woke up at 18 and suddenly decided that she was going to become a sex worker and have her father as her pimp. He must’ve been grooming her for years. Not to mention the fact that he clearly seems to think his daughter’s only worth is as a every man’s fantasy.

  11. mizz.rush
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 10:30 am | Permalink

    I was definitely talking about the father in my post, “Summer” is an adult now so she can do whatever she wants. I have some sneaking suspicions though about how long this has been going on…seems hard to believe this “stage dad” started his gig when she turned 18…I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say it takes a while for a child to get to a level where they’re comfortable with dear ol’ dad waxing their vulva.

  12. imaginary
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 10:40 am | Permalink

    He’s not really her father. In the video she explains that he’s only a father figure and she just calls him dad and that he’s a friend of the family that has taken care of her because her father wasn’t in the picture. They kept trying to explain that on the show but Tyra kept cutting them off.
    I still find it weird that he as a father figure is waxing her, but it’s not as disgusting as it would have been if he was her real father.

  13. waxghost
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 10:40 am | Permalink

    Further evidence that a society where fathers have the right to do whatever they want with their children is not a society we want to go back to, and that nostalgia for those times always glosses over shit like this.
    Also, I noticed a lot of people talking about not wanting their parents to know that they even had “body parts below the neck” but I don’t think that’s a healthier view than the (obviously sick) one this father has of his daughter. I think we should be demystifying sex, reminding people that it is common and normal, and thereby taking a lot of the titillation out of things like this – rather than pretending like no one but us does it.

  14. mizz.rush
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 10:59 am | Permalink

    Imaginary,
    I’m not sure being a friend of the family makes the creep factor go down at all for me….biological or not, he’s still a caretaker for her and thus, still pretty friggin’ gross.

  15. waxghost
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 11:15 am | Permalink

    I agree. That is still incredibly creepy, and probably very damaging for her and her view of men as well.

  16. Destra
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 11:30 am | Permalink

    When he said that she had to be every man’s fantasy, I get this horrible feeling he means his own fantasy as well.
    Sick fuck.

  17. Thomas Thurman
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 11:37 am | Permalink

    Fathers? *Parents* shouldn’t be waxing their daughters.

  18. spikenard
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 11:49 am | Permalink

    That guy was horrifying. And whether he’s her real father or her ‘father figure’ doesn’t make a difference – he’s ruining her life (because I don’t think her crying was an indication that she really wanted to be a sex worker) for his own weird, sick fantasy.
    BUT, I have to say, what’s wrong with fathers/parents waxing anywhere?? My dad has waxed my upper lip and arms for me when no one else was available and I was always very grateful. And my mum and sister and I all help each other with waxing – I feel more comfortable with my mum or sister waxing my legs, underarms, etc than I would with some random stranger. It’s not sexual. Why is it wrong?
    I find it weird that people are so reluctant about physical contact between themselves and their parents. I’d never ask my dad to wax my bikini line (horrifying), but I’m 25, and I enjoy hugging him, etc.. he’s my dad, after all.

  19. spikenard
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 11:50 am | Permalink

    That guy was horrifying. And whether he’s her real father or her ‘father figure’ doesn’t make a difference – he’s ruining her life (because I don’t think her crying was an indication that she really wanted to be a sex worker) for his own weird, sick fantasy.
    BUT, I have to say, what’s wrong with fathers/parents waxing anywhere?? My dad has waxed my upper lip and arms for me when no one else was available and I was always very grateful. And my mum and sister and I all help each other with waxing – I feel more comfortable with my mum or sister waxing my legs, underarms, etc than I would with some random stranger. It’s not sexual. Why is it wrong?
    I find it weird that people are so reluctant about physical contact between themselves and their parents. I’d never ask my dad to wax my bikini line (horrifying), but I’m 25, and I enjoy hugging him, etc.. he’s my dad, after all.

  20. RoseColoredGlasses
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 11:54 am | Permalink

    I…just…want…to…punch…this…guy…in…his…fucking face!
    How dare he even think like that about his own daughter! Give me a damn break….I don’t even know what to say other than this is some seriously fucked up shit! I could feel my fists clenching while watching this guy…I almost punched my comp. screen!

  21. RoseColoredGlasses
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 11:59 am | Permalink

    I…just…want…to…punch…this…guy…in…his…fucking face!
    How dare he even think like that about his own daughter! Give me a damn break….I don’t even know what to say other than this is some seriously fucked up shit! I could feel my fists clenching while watching this guy…I almost punched my comp. screen!

  22. RoseColoredGlasses
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 12:03 pm | Permalink

    I…just…want…to…punch…this…guy…in…his…fucking face!
    How dare he even think like that about his own daughter! Give me a damn break….I don’t even know what to say other than this is some seriously fucked up shit! I could feel my fists clenching while watching this guy…I almost punched my comp. screen!

  23. RoseColoredGlasses
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 12:07 pm | Permalink

    sorry about the triple post…my internet has been on and off today and acting retarded…

  24. MLEmac
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 12:07 pm | Permalink

    I agree about the waxing thing Spikenard. However, I think that this guy probably started coercing her to get waxed early on, rather than it really being her choice. And waxing the bikini when he is her father (or father figure) is really fucking wrong, as well as really screwed up if he is not a licensed technician. Bikini waxes fucking hurt even when the technician knows exactly what he/she is doing. I can only imagine how awful an amateur bikini wax is. (actually I can do more than imagine, I tried an amateur one myself once.)

  25. spikenard
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 12:12 pm | Permalink

    MLEmac, yeah, the bikini waxing is going WAY too far! Unless there is some kind of medical emergency (e.g. labour, you’ve accidentally impaled yourself on a giant knife in the worst place) and your dad is the only person for a million miles around to help, I can’t imagine when father/daughter genital contact would ever ever ever be necessary. The bikini waxing was obviously just some sick messed up thing for him. He should be in prison I think.

  26. Ninapendamaishi
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 12:16 pm | Permalink

    “I can’t imagine when father/daughter genital contact would ever ever ever be necessary”
    It’s obvious to me that this guy doesn’t view her the way most fathers view their daughters… Would he be different with a biological daughter? I dunno, molestation is kinda common, but possibly he justifies his abuse to himself b/c she’s not his biologically.
    Either way, eww eww eww eww eww
    I mean, my parents tried to lord it over me in a number of areas until I was 20, at least. I’m sure whoever called it “her choice” based on that video was mainly trying to stir up trouble, but I’m still so disturbed that someone would be okay saying that…

  27. Ninapendamaishi
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 12:19 pm | Permalink

    “The bikini waxing was obviously just some sick messed up thing for him.”
    Well, the “daddy fantasy” is not at all uncommon, as anyone who’s browsed MforF “Casual Encounters” on Craigslist could tell you…
    When it /does/ become wrong, wrong, wrong though, as with other fantasies, is when it is acted out this way, with someone who is in no position to either fully reject him or give full consent.
    “He should be in prison I think. ”
    I don’t know if he could be, legally, but I’d be okay with that.

  28. GopherII
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 12:27 pm | Permalink

    Ugh…this is absolutely revolting!
    and also, ewwww….

  29. Carrie
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 12:30 pm | Permalink

    I happened to see that episode and the end of the show freaked me out even more. Tyra set it up so that the girl’s boyfriend proposed marriage to her at the end. I guess she felt that would be a story-book ending. The audience went wild with happiness.
    I can’t believe I live in the same country with people who think 18 year old should be married.

  30. Ninapendamaishi
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 12:43 pm | Permalink

    “I happened to see that episode and the end of the show freaked me out even more. ”
    Umm… not to say that most 18 yr-olds /should/ be married (I think for some it’s fine) but that freaked you out /more/ than her “father-figure” pushing her into becoming a prostitute? Really???
    I mean, who knows how her bf treats her, but there’s at least some chance he’s not an abusive asshole, right?

  31. FrumiousB
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 12:54 pm | Permalink

    [musing] some men fantasize about hairy women [\musing]
    you know, whether it’s whoring or accounting, if going to work makes you cry, you need a different job.

  32. jfaustus
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 12:56 pm | Permalink

    Followed the link. Read the post. Hovered over the play button, but just couldn’t do it.
    Reading MacKinnon’s Only Words right now, so double-nausea.

  33. JenLovesPonies
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 1:05 pm | Permalink

    Anyone see the episode of Engaged and Underage where the 19ish girl gets waxed before her wedding to her older boyfriend by her soon to be mother in law? That was pretty weird.

  34. amanda
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 1:12 pm | Permalink

    Most disturbing, is that in the Jezebel post linked to here, Slut Machine says “maybe I’m not as progressive as I thought I was,” for having an aversive reaction to this.
    There is nothing progressive, at all, about fathers, father figures, parents, or any authority figures controlling bodies and choices.
    This girl has the right to make her own decisions: that’s clearly not happening here, and if finding that painful is somehow a betrayal of “progressive” “liberal” ideology – then something is seriously wrong. One doesn’t need to equate complete moral relativism and equanimity with progressiveness.

  35. ShifterCat
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 1:27 pm | Permalink

    AbbieNormal and Amanda have it, I think. Whether or not this man is her biological father, he is still a major authority figure in her life, and his influence on her decisions should not be underestimated.
    Sex, even casual sex, is something people have strong and often conflicted emotions about. Same goes for familial bonds. Mix the two up, and you’re bound to get some damaging craziness.
    A father’s advice to his daughter about her sex life should be limited to, “Respect yourself, respect your partner, and stay safe.”

  36. Marissa
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 2:08 pm | Permalink

    One of the many things that bothered me about this clip was that HE was talking the whole time and HE was normalizing it for his viewers, much like I imagine he normalizes the creepy relationship with his daughter figure to her. I think every aspect of this points to how much he is manipulating her, especially being in a position of authority over her.

  37. Carrie
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 3:38 pm | Permalink

    Ninapendamaishi, I was probably most grossed out at the reaction of the audience because it came across as approval that a new man would fix everything.
    I would have preferred Tyra to push the girl to make some changes in her life as a single individual.

  38. Mina
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 6:56 pm | Permalink

    “And my mum and sister and I all help each other with waxing – I feel more comfortable with my mum or sister waxing my legs, underarms, etc than I would with some random stranger. It’s not sexual. Why is it wrong?”
    That degree of physical closeness feels more sexual/intimate/etc. to some people than others. Meanwhile, some people have more active anti-incest instincts than others. When someone feels it’s more intimate and that same person feels intimacy with relatives is less comfortable, I wouldn’t blame her or him for not wanting it. ;)
    “A father’s advice to his daughter about her sex life should be limited to, ‘Respect yourself, respect your partner, and stay safe.’”
    Great points. I’d just expand the limit to include “and here’s how you can get info on how to stay safe – here’s how to look up reliable health advice [research tips], here’s how to find out which doctors are Board certified if you’re picking a GYN or any other doc for that matter [more research tips], etc.” ;)

  39. avast2006
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 7:44 pm | Permalink

    How do you get more disgusted than totally disgusted? What he did is infinitely creepy. And yet if he was her real father it would be infinitely worse.

  40. DevenL
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 8:52 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, maybe I’m not as progressive as I thought either. What’s with the sudden influx of creepy Dads? Makes me glad me and my Dad are on a “don’t ask, don’t tell” basis.

  41. Posted April 30, 2008 at 9:51 pm | Permalink

    wow, so wrong on so many levels. this is just disturbing.

  42. ProFeministMale
    Posted April 30, 2008 at 10:28 pm | Permalink

    I’ll bite, although I am supposing it gets a bit controversial.
    As a poster mentioned early, that the “Electra Complex,” and incest fantasies are pretty common, given the post ads on craigslist.
    If this were the case, if two consenting adults are acting these possible father-daughter fantasies, then really is there anything wrong with that?
    I am not making a pro-porn stand; I am merely if this is something that gets them off, mutually, then why are we passing judgment on them?
    Creepy is our eyes. Exploitative in our eyes. Wrong in our eyes, because of the power dynamic and that this is portrayed in porn. But if it were a couple sexually roleplaying in their bedroom, I bet none of us would have a problem with it.
    Marc

  43. ShifterCat
    Posted May 1, 2008 at 1:05 am | Permalink

    The problem, PFM, is that this isn’t some role-play fantasy between consenting adults. This man is a father-like figure to her.
    It’s not just sex between biological family members that we as a society frown on. We also strongly discourage sexual behaviour between teacher and student, doctor and patient, and for the same reason: one person has a powerful and personal influence over the other. You’ll also note, I’m sure, that teacher/student and doctor/patient sex fantasies are extremely common too.
    If neither of these people had a position of familial authority over the other, and they were instead consensual lovers playing “Daddy”, then it’d be nobody else’s business. But that’s not the case here, and so the behaviour must be judged in real-world terms.
    And as they noted in the link, you can be pro-porn and pro-sex work and be against this kind of manipulative shit, TYVM.

  44. Ninapendamaishi
    Posted May 1, 2008 at 1:10 am | Permalink

    PFM,
    I was the poster who pointed out it is a common fantasy.
    I also pointed out that I thought it was wrong wrong in this case what he was doing, because of the very /real/ imbalance of power, and because it didn’t seem she was free to reject it/go along with it free of pressure. Hell, we saw her crying.

Feministing In Your Inbox

Sign up for our Newsletter to stay in touch with Feministing
and receive regular updates and exclusive content.

226 queries. 0.616 seconds