A new children’s book, My Beautiful Mommy, (being released on Mother’s Day, no less) aims to explain to kids why their mom is getting plastic surgery.
It features a perky mother explaining to her child why she’s having cosmetic surgery (a nose job and tummy tuck). Naturally, it has a happy ending: mommy winds up “even more” beautiful than before, and her daughter is thrilled.
Okay, I can understand the need to explain to children why a parent is getting surgery, but this…well, it’s just ridiculous.
“My Beautiful Mommy” is aimed at kids ages four to seven and features a plastic surgeon named Dr. Michael (a musclebound superhero type) and a girl whose mother gets a tummy tuck, a nose job and breast implants. Before her surgery the mom explains that she is getting a smaller tummy: “You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn’t fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better.” Mom comes home looking like a slightly bruised Barbie doll with demure bandages on her nose and around her waist.
Superhero, huh? I suppose that should come as no surprise, given the book is written by a Florida-based plastic surgeon, Dr. Michael Salzhauer. Now, I’m certainly not going to sit in judgment of those who get plastic surgery – but do we really have to teach our kids that we need it to “feel better” and be “beautiful”? Ugh.
Thanks to Alexis for the link.
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Of course, from the industry’s perspective, this is exactly the kind of things little girls need to be taught, since they’re the future customers of plastic surgeons. They need to understand, at this tender age, that having plastic surgery is the only way to get those little Tinkerbell sparkles all around you, like Mommy has on the cover…
“You see, as I got older, my body stretched and daddy didn’t want to touch me anymore, so since I had no self esteem to begin with, I decided to go buy some from Dr. Michael!”
Or something like that. I generally have no problem with PS if it’s absolutely what YOU want and will make YOU feel better about YOURself. I am against it if it’s just to satisfy someone else’s idea of what you should look like. And most of the time …
I was reading an article the other day which said that girls as young as five were reporting that they were worried about their weight. Is it just me, or should children be running around, eating candy, making messes, and being silly – not thinking about that kind of crap? If we’re starting at five to have reservations about our weight and are being “educated” on why surgery is a legitimate fix for our self-esteem issues, it’s no wonder why our standards of beauty and our collective body image is so out of whack.
Oh. My. Fucking. GOD.
Did you look at the link? Did you notice the picture (lower left of the page at http://www.newsweek.com/id/132240/page/1)?
That green-shirted, perky-breasted, hair-flipped, already-abnormally-small-waisted-by-human-standards woman?
That woman who looks a bit like a Barbie doll?
That’s the BEFORE picture, of the woman who (presumably) needs plastic surgery to look better. It can only be intentional that the “before” (who ALREADY shows a model of womanhood that is only attainable for many people by plastic surgery) STILL isn’t good enough.
(vomits on floor.)
I’m not normally a fan of book burning, but I might make an exception here…
I was reading an article the other day which said that girls as young as five were reporting that they were worried about their weight. Is it just me, or should children be running around, eating candy, making messes, and being silly – not thinking about that kind of crap? If we’re starting at five to have reservations about our weight and are being “educated” on why surgery is a legitimate fix for our self-esteem issues, it’s no wonder why our standards of beauty and our collective body image is so out of whack.
Children learn from their parents and if parents are getting plastic surgery when they already look fine, what message is this sending to children, especially young girls? This book is in no way an educational tool. You could give the child a copy of Cosmo and they’d get the same message.
This makes me sad. I don’t judge people who get plastic surgery, but you know, when I was a kid, I thought my mom was absolutely beautiful the way she was (and still think that to this day). I’d hope that if I ever have kids, they will think the same thing about me, even though I don’t have a 24-inch waist and huge breast implants. Ugh…
So if let’s say mommy and daughter have the same nose, should the daughter start planning for her own plastic surgery so she can be beautiful like mommy?
I understand explaining surgery, I don’t understand glorifying it and only presenting the best case scenario.
Oh my heavens that’s horrifying.
“I didn’t want him to think [the surgery] was because I was hurting. It was to make me feel good,” she says.
Because there’s no better way to feel better than going under the knife!
this is sad… at first, when i saw the title: “My Beautiful Mommy”, the first thought that popped into my head was a children’s book about loving their moms and appreciating all sorts of beauty.. but my dream was instantly crushed when I noted the pink, the sparkles, and the barbie doll looking mom.
like everyone else, i am not trying to judge all people who get plastic surgery.. but to teach kids that their moms need surgery to feel beautiful is just disgusting. truly.
Children learn from their parents and if parents are getting plastic surgery when they already look fine, what message is this sending to children, especially young girls?
FWIW, my mother got plastic surgery (breast enlargement) when I was young, and it was such a non-issue at the time that I wasn’t sent any kind of message.
In fact, it was only a year ago (I’m 29) that I even found out that she had a boob job. I think she was very careful about keeping her feelings about her body from me and my sister so that they didn’t color the way we thought about ourselves. While I’m not an advocate of keeping major surgery a secret from children who may be old enough to understand, I do appreciate that my mother was sensitive enough to not let her dissatisfaction with her body teach us girls to worry about our outward appearance. I like that it wasn’t announced and I don’t think a book like this would have helped me. It would have made me way too conscious of societal conceptions of beauty way too early and it would have been something I would have obsessed about.
Therefore, in my limited (but very personal) experience, women can have plastic surgery and still raise young girls with healthy body images who grow up into strong feminists. *grin*
But I do agree that books like the ones above may to more harm than good.
I’m sure that book will be a real comfort if something tragic happens to the mom (a la Kayne West’s mother).
I much prefer my essay about how I told my mother how creepy she looked after her surgery. I was in my 30s and she was in her late 50s.
I am a terrible daughter indeed.
What I find most disturbing is this:
“You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn’t fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better.”
Literally, you need SURGERY to fit into your CLOTHES.
Last I checked, clothes should fit the person, not the person fit the clothes.
I can’t imagine the impact of telling your children that you are under going major surgery to get “fixed,” “feel better,” or “look beautiful” has on their image of themselves or of others.
And, like outcrazyophelia, points out…what if you have the same nose that mommy is getting “fixed?” What if you have the same bust line? Very harmful in my opinion.
No kidding BWrites:
“I didn’t want him to think [the surgery] was because I was hurting. It was to make me feel good,” she says.
Um, yeah. Something inside you must have been hurting if you need surgery to “feel good.” Kids aren’t stupid.
Why do women (no daddies getting anything on their bodies “fixed” in order to “feel better” in this book) even need to share that they are having plastic surgery with their children, especially at the young ages this book is aimed at? If you want to have plastic surgery, fine, but why drag your kids into something that is complicated for adults?
To be fair, the weight reduction may not have come by plastic surgery in that cartoon picture, but rather from some primo nose candy supplied by the Pink Fairy.
That message seems to have gotten through. Instead of being uncomfortable about the surgery, Acosta says her son actually spoke up about it at a big party. “Did you see her new belly button? It’s so pretty!” he said of his mom. “I think he was proud,” she says.
Does anyone else find that passage really creepy? Like the woman really is nothing more than a doll to be fawned over by her son’s friends at parties?
First that disgusting “Abortion Man”, now this. Is there some conspiracy to drag the term “superhero” through the mud?
That was my thought also, sunflwrmoonbeam. Your clothes don’t fit, adjust them or buy new ones. Fashion should not be a Procrustean Bed.
Jill:
Shameless plug aside, I liked your essay, although I feel it could have been longer in order to better prove your point. Your mom sounds a lot like mine.
Wow. Stupid book thats right up there with the Suaves new shampoo commercials that make mom ‘pretty’ again.
http://www.suave.com/
Hi Spider Jerusalem, I think we’re talking book length, yes? Maybe anthology?
Want to collaborate!?
Thank you.
Have a good Pesach if you’re celebrating.
Honestly, I think this is more of an advertisement for this doctor’s services than a guide on how to tell your young kids about cosmetic surgery. Otherwise, the mother wouldn’t be getting a post-pregnancy breast augmentation and nose job. It’s sad, because a book like this can actually correct some of the misconceptions about women and cosmetic surgery, like all women who get it are extremely unhappy with themselves. Getting rid of excess skin after quick weight loss in order to look “normal” isn’t the same as getting a nose job or bigger breasts because you want to be “prettier.”
It’s really not ok with me that people downplay the recovery needed from plastic surgery. It’s like people think that since it’s elective, it’s not as invasive as any other surgery. There are real risks, and it hurts, and it takes a while to recover. I mean not that it’s the worst thing in the world, but it’s really irresponsible to represent it as not very serious.
ShifterCat – excellent use of “Procrustean.” : ) I remember having that as a vocab word once but I never get to use it.
It makes me sick when I see little girls (around 5-8) wearing make-up and halter tops. I think its abuse if a mother were to give this book to her kid. Girls have self-destructive body images already, we dont need her one guide and role model caving in so dramatically. I wonder what kind of negative effect this would have on a son? Would he think this is what hes entitled to once his wife ‘gets ugly’ from pregnancy, or simply, from anything? What other sexist add-ons are being added into his sense of himself from this ‘plastic surgery for mommy’ in combination with all his other sexist social indoctrination and privilege? Will this mutate into a whole new sexism carried by the next generation of males?
*unladylike*, I understand what you’re saying, but I think it’s important to remember that kids point out things they think are different and say things that have been said to them- like, mommy showed him her “pretty” belly button and now he tells other people. What the mom fails to seem to grasp is that 10 to 1 says he’s reflecting HER pride, NOT his own. Young kids don’t really grasp any definition of “pretty” that we don’t GIVE them.
Which, like *Leslie* hinted at above, is why this book is so infuriating. MOST little kids think their mommies are the prettiest people on earth, primarily because they are loved by their mommies, and it is reflected in the “beauty” of the person. The concept of beauty is mostly a social construct for kids, from my experience.
After having a kid, there’s saggin’ and strange skin texture I haven’t experienced before, and the inner vain chica in me thinks maybe someday I’ll get that cottage cheesey mom stomach fixed… but not to be “pretty”. bad, bad book.
*unladylike*, I understand what you’re saying, but I think it’s important to remember that kids point out things they think are different and say things that have been said to them- like, mommy showed him her “pretty” belly button and now he tells other people. What the mom fails to seem to grasp is that 10 to 1 says he’s reflecting HER pride, NOT his own. Young kids don’t really grasp any definition of “pretty” that we don’t GIVE them.
Which, like *Leslie* hinted at above, is why this book is so infuriating. MOST little kids think their mommies are the prettiest people on earth, primarily because they are loved by their mommies, and it is reflected in the “beauty” of the person. The concept of beauty is mostly a social construct for kids, from my experience.
After having a kid, there’s saggin’ and strange skin texture I haven’t experienced before, and the inner vain chica in me thinks maybe someday I’ll get that cottage cheesey mom stomach fixed… but not to be “pretty”. bad, bad book.
“‘You see, as I got older, my body stretched and daddy didn’t want to touch me anymore, so since I had no self esteem to begin with, I decided to go buy some from Dr. Michael!’
Isn’t it sometimes more like “you see, as I got older and had you, my body stretched and daddy didn’t like me anymore the way he liked me when he wanted to marry me, so he didn’t want to support me staying home caring for you anymore, so since my résumé has nothing to show for the past 7 years I decided to keep qualifying for the role that lets me take care of you…”?
Some of these situations become a mess long before “surgery or not?” comes up.
“Or something like that. I generally have no problem with PS if it’s absolutely what YOU want and will make YOU feel better about YOURself. I am against it if it’s just to satisfy someone else’s idea of what you should look like. And most of the time …”
What about when it’s just to be tolerated in public enough to earn a living?
“So if let’s say mommy and daughter have the same nose, should the daughter start planning for her own plastic surgery so she can be beautiful like mommy?”
Good point. It seems to go
Step 1. Conceive instead of adopt because they want a child with their own genes.
Step 2. Pressure that child to hide instead of show the traits which come from those genes.
“Why do women (no daddies getting anything on their bodies ‘fixed’ in order to ‘feel better’ in this book) even need to share that they are having plastic surgery with their children, especially at the young ages this book is aimed at?”
Maybe they’re afraid of the kid coming up with a scarier explanation like “the monster under the bed stiole Mommy’s nose!!!” or whatever if they don’t say “I look like this because I had surgery”?
I can understand filling breast implants so slowly that it appears to be growth, but getting a nose job seems harder to hide…
Does anyone else think it’s a really idiotic idea to tell kids who are *still* growing, that mommy needed surgery so she could fit into her clothes again?
Also, I have to ask Gopher, what exactly is wrong with young girls wearing halter tops?
It just breaks my heart that this is for real, for all of the reasons other moms have already stated above. In contrast, a friend pointed me to this site: http://theshapeofamother.com/
where women share their pride of and their discomfort with and all their other complicated feelings about their “post-baby” bodies. It’s a place I love to visit.
please please please someone tell me this is an april fools day joke (albeit a late one) please! my dispair for future generations of women is growing
This goes right along with this idea. The twelve year old daughter of some reality star wants a boob job, and mom, who has had a ton of surgery already, is all for it once the kid hits sixteen. I bet if she could find a surgeon to do it now they’d go for it immediately.
Just EW. Big time.
And what is up with this book order site? Has anyone else noticed that the other books offered on the site are “Play Pretty” the play nice book for girls, and “Play Pals,” the one for boys? Nice how even the books on playing nicely play into looks and femininity with the title of “Play Pretty.”
Oh, and norbizness, you crack me up! Quite honestly, if my only choices were PS or the “primo nose candy,” I’m gonna take the candy!
This is exactly the reason why young girls are so insecure with their body. When their number one role model is so unhappy with her body that she gets surgery to “correct” it, how are young girls supposed to be okay with their own bodies?
Wait, so Mommy got a tummy surgery because her clothes doesn’t fit anymore? I don’t get it.
Instead of spending thousands of dollars to reduce her stomach size to fit her clothes, why not just by some larger clothes? Even a 5-year-old can see the logic in that.
Pre-teen beauty pageants, stripper poles as toys, and now this? Clearly, patriarchy is still alive and well. I am all for people doing whatever the hell they want with their bodies, but leave the kids the fuck alone. Jesus Christ.
I want “Mommy’s Beautiful Baritone: Why Mommy is now Daddy.”
Or how about the book that explains why Mommy is now in heaven or in excruciating pain because the surgery went horribly wrong?
Tofurific,
I’m not against kids simply with halter tops, but the whole halter tops and make-up does make me a bit nauseous. Maybe its because I cant tell if theyre just being kids, or if theyre emulating some pop star by dressing sexual like them? It makes me think of Jodie Fosters role in Taxi Driver where she played a child prostitute. Perhaps I’m just a kid fascist and think girls ought to have dirt under their fingernails, and maybe seem a bit less image focused and look like kids.
judgesnineteen: thanks.
Yeah well, maybe it’s just because I live in the desert, but I’ve never heard of a tank top preventing someone from having fun and getting a little dirt under their nails.
And if you think tank tops are inherently sexual (“emulating some pop star by dressing sexual like them”), then you’re projecting a level of sexuality into a tank top that simply isn’t there, especially when it’s being worn by a little kid. In fact, the notion that they need to cover their pre-pubescent chests sexualizes them *more* than the average halter top does.
As for the makeup thing, excluding the situation of a day to day makeup regime for little kids, I don’t see anything terribly wrong with letting girls play with makeup now and then. I’m pretty sure if it weren’t for so many parents’ homophobia, a bunch more boys would be playing with makeup, too…
This story has a lot more to it – apparently it’s a vanity publication. Read more here.
I’ve e-mailed the author to find out how the book came to Newsweek’s attention.
Some personal background: my body, while healthy, is definitely not beautiful in the current canon. I’m almost flat-chested, have a large nose with a big mole on the side, and some hair growing on my chin. My children think I’m very beautiful, and they also know that I cherish the mole, which I inherited from my beloved grandmother.
This book is totally crazy, but unfortunately very consistent with the messages our media sends to girls _and_ boys.
Please pretty please people. Stop being so mean! So what if a mom wants to look like she is young again after giving birth and breast-feeding?!!
YOU should be ashamed of yourselves for pointing fingers. I am sure the writer of this book knows far more about how people cope with their kids after surgery than you!
Please pretty please people. Stop being so mean! So what if a mom wants to look like she is young again after giving birth and breast-feeding?!!
YOU should be ashamed of yourselves for pointing fingers. I am sure the writer of this book knows far more about how people cope with their kids after surgery than you!
Please pretty please people. Stop being so mean! So what if a mom wants to look like she is young again after giving birth and breast-feeding?!!
YOU should be ashamed of yourselves for pointing fingers. I am sure the writer of this book knows far more about how people cope with their kids after surgery than you!
Please pretty please people. Stop being so mean! So what if a mom wants to look like she is young again after giving birth and breast-feeding?!!
YOU should be ashamed of yourselves for pointing fingers. I am sure the writer of this book knows far more about how people cope with their kids after surgery than you!
So, making fun of a (usually) completely unnecessary procedure that perpetuates unrealistic standards of beauty on to women is “being mean”? Good, I’m mean then.
There’s always all this talk in our culture about how beautiful birth & motherhood is, yet women are expected to look as if their pregnancy & breast-feeding never happened? As if life itself (with all its wrinkles & stretch marks) doesn’t happen?
I’m 27 and I’m looking forward to gray hairs & wrinkles (especially the smile-lines types). In the meantime, I feel completely justified in making fun of people who buy into the cosmetic surgery hype. Kudos to you who’ve made fun & expressed disgust about this book. You’re mean & spirited & that’s why I love this blog. Keep up the good work.
Please pretty please people. Stop being so mean! So what if a mom wants to look like she is young again after giving birth and breast-feeding?!!
YOU should be ashamed of yourselves for pointing fingers. I am sure the writer of this book knows far more about how people cope with their kids after surgery than you!
Welcome to feministing, Dr. Michael
As someone in the health care field, I know there is a slippery slope if one is against that which is “unnatural.” It is quite common in my community (where there are a number of “hippies”) to encounter people who do not want that which is “unnatural,” including in childbirth. On YouTube, I have watched videos of unassisted home births (as in, only mother and perhaps a separate camera operator present). Comments describe them as alternately beautiful and irresponsible. Since there was no alleged harm done to mother or child in any of the videos, what can I say?
Much of modern medicine, used to extend, preserve or enhance life, is quite unnatural. It is easy to criticize enforcing cultural expectations on young children as in fashion or this book, but more difficult to dismiss cosmetic surgery itself as mere foolishness. Mind you, I am against medical procedures for simple aesthetics myself, and it is quite possible a person is giving into cultural expectations, but it is a choice adults are allowed to make if it helps them feel better.