Esquire needs your help to say stupid shit about women

Just saw this on a couple of email lists and, well, wow.

Esquire is asking the women of America to take part in something huge. How huge? It just might be the largest survey of American women in the history of survey. Our goal is to interview 10,000 women – you read that correctly: 10,000 – and we only have one question: What is something that men don’t know about women?
Building on our popular monthly feature 10 Things You Don’t Know About Women (examples below, or by clicking this link ), we want to educate the American man about women in a way no one ever has: By directly asking 10,000 of them.

Finally, Esquire’s readers can understand those wacky creatures called women. By hearing random thoughts from them.

Feministing readers, let’s help them out, ok? Here’s the rest of the message, leave your responses in comments.

What exactly does Esquire want you to tell us? It could be a secret about the female species that you want to finally let us men in on. Could be a helpful hint, or a piece of advice no one’s ever had the heart or guts to give us. It could be something that you wish men would get through our thick heads.
When we ask celebrities, here is the kind of thing they tell us:

  • We find dark-colored sheets creepy. And they don’t conceal stains. – Jane Krakowski

  • We can scan a room faster than you can. Within sixty seconds we can spot every girl to watch out for and all the men we’d like to meet. – Carmen Electra
  • Women grab their crotches, too. We just have the decency to do it in private. – Padma Lakshmi
  • When you hug a woman at the end of a date, if you have any romantic intentions whatsoever, do not “bro-patâ€? her on the back. – Minnie Driver
  • We don’t want to hear the sound of you brushing your teeth and going to the bathroom at the same time. – Connie Britton
  • If, when asking a lady to spend the night, she says no, accept it and do not try to tip the scales with an offer of breakfast. Any girl who is swayed by the prospect of an omelette is probably not a keeper. – Liz Vassey
  • We shave our toes. – Ana Gasteyer
  • Best girlfriends can be very affectionate with each other. Just because we occasionally hold hands doesn’t mean this thing’s about to turn into Girls Gone Wild: Ultimate Spring Break. So simmer down. – Christina Applegate

So think hard about the unexplored pockets of male ignorance, and help us out. Help all men out. In the end, you’re really helping yourselves.
Now, if you’re stuck, here are a few fill-in-the-blanks to get the wheels spinning. (Or, not. Feel free to ignore these and express your own creativity here.)
“The best way to make sure we will not go to bed with you tonight is…�
“The most chivalrous thing a man can do is…�
“At the end of a first date…�
“Not all women are…�
“If you had actually been able to look in the girls locker room in high school, you would have seen…�

Based on one of their suggested topics I’d say “The best way to make sure we will not go to bed with you tonight is…â€? to ask for the deepest darkest secrets of womankind for an Esquire article. And, “Not all women are…â€? anything. Which is why this is dumb.
Anyway, help me out, people. Entertain me until Lost starts tonight. A little Thursday silliness never hurt anyone.

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