If your hymen could be gift-wrapped, what would the bow look like?

You know, sometimes they just make it too easy. The charming picture above is a billboard from CoolVirginity.com, a project of yet another crisis pregnancy center.
Also from the site: “Abstinence helps to ensure a more successful future, avoid STDs and to avoid possible life-long dependency on the welfare system.” And here I thought it was the lack of well-paid jobs that make women poor–turns out it’s just the absence of a hymen. (Does that mean if I get hymen restoration surgery that my income will magically increase? Nice!)
But seriously, I just lurve the idea that these folks think that promoting sexuality and women’s bodies as a gift is a fantastically moral idea. Are hymens the new graduation watch?

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  • A male

    Sure. A “first time” with each partner is special. Probably more exciting than what will be going on for the next 40 or 60 years if they stay together.

  • Kmari1222

    Did everyone else get a reply from coolvirginity too? I just did.
    It seems like they’re kinda pissed we found their website.
    And apparently they aren’t biased because they have one billboard that shows an extremely young couple at the alter kissing.. “knowing we both waited… priceless”

  • http://callingoutbs.blogspot.com Heina

    My first time sucked. I had planned for it, knew it was going to happen, and all that jazz, but it was still lame because my partner was comatose in bed (and in life, I was to find out). I had sex with two other guys after that before meeting the love of my life. I am actually quite glad that he wasn’t my first and I wasn’t his first, as the first time we had sex was mindblowing (as is 90% of our sexual activity even now, more than a year later).
    If either of us had been nervous or inexperienced, I doubt it would have been quite as fun. Plus, I know for sure that he’s good in bed since I’ve had sex with other people. Maybe the experimental thing isn’t for everyone, but it shouldn’t be forbidden as long as it’s safer and responsible sex. My mother once told me not to masturbate because it would cause problems with my husband and also that the reason one should hold off on sex until marriage is that you would inevitably compare others to your husband in bed. I’m so glad I didn’t take her advice. I’d rather be considered “dirty” or a “whore” by religious fundies than be sexually ungratified for the rest of my life.

  • Virago

    There are some comments about clitoral orgasm vrs. vaginal orgasm up thread. I never use to have vaginal orgasms, and I was very ignorant about clitoral stimulation. Once I learned more about clitoral stimulation, I actually found out that I could orgasm vaginally as well. Usually, I would have the clitoral orgasm first through oral sex or manual stimulation, and I had the vaginal orgasm through sexual intercourse that followed. I found out that there is such a thing as a g-spot. Anyway, I found out that for me to have a vaginal orgasm, I had to have clitoral stimulation first. Sometimes both at the same time. I know that this might not work for everyone, but I’m happy with the results.

  • http://callingoutbs.blogspot.com Heina

    I really did not like that article, “Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm.” I am not confused about my orgasms or anatomy nor am I submitting to patriarchy.
    I always masturbated vaginally and had experienced orgasms before I even knew what a clitoris was. The first time I heard the word “clitoris,” it was only described to me as a highly-sensitive pleasure-center for women. By that definition, I thought my g-spot was my clitoris, without knowing the words for either. As I grew older and gained knowledge, I found out what each spot was actually called, but what type of stimulation I liked remained the same. Not that I don’t ever give my clit some love, mind you, I just feel offended that I’m considered less of a feminist for being a g-spot (and sometimes u-spot) girl.

  • http://www.katiecrafts.blogspot.com katiecrafts

    As a feminist woman who waited (and waited) for sex with the right person. I have to say the idea of waiting for sex is not a bad one. The idea of gifting your virginity upon your marriage is a really horribly bad one. When I compare ‘my first time’ stories with my friends I was the only one who waited till she knew she was old and wise enough to really enjoy sex. My first time was awesome and I even had an orgasm. I think it was because I was old enough to understand that sex is NOT only about men getting off.
    I am thrilled I waited till I was almost 22 to have sex. It was great, and I’ll always fondly remember the first man I had sex with. I don’t doubt that waiting till YOU are ready is the absolute right decision for both men and women, what I do doubt is the idea that marriage is the right time. I wish we would spend as much time educating children to know their bodies as we spend telling them sex is dirty and only dirty girls get boys off.
    I can only hope that one day if I CHOOSE to have children they will wait till they are old enough and mature enough to have an orgasm and a lot of fun the first time they have sex. Sex isn’t dirty until society makes it that way.

  • Virago

    I don’t have a problem with people waiting until their older to have sex, but I also don’t have a problem with people waiting until they’re married. I think that it’s a personal choice. However, I think that people need to be educated better about how their body functions. I remember reading in my sex ed text book that a woman has an orgasm when the penis rubs her clitoris during intercourse, but the textbook picture showed the clitoris above the vagina. WTF? Talk about confusing! The teacher didn’t even mention the clitoris at all. All she talked about was orgasms during vaginal intercourse. My mother didn’t talk to me about the clitoris either (did she even know?) It’s great that some women can have vaginal orgasms only, but I don’t think that would have been possible for me to have one without clitoral stimulation first. I was almost 21 years old before I had sex, and I hated it for a long time because I was so hung up on the vaginal orgasm only. My boyfriend thought that it would help to rent porn movies to “get in the mood.” That certainly didn’t help. Well, my husband and I found what works, and I’m perfectly happy with it. I don’t think anyone should be considered less of a feminist no matter how they achieve an orgasm.

  • annejumps

    Heina, the article addressing historical views of sex between men and women is from 1970, and the G-spot didn’t really have a place in public discourse until the 80s. Koedt’s central point, viewed in context, is solid and very important.

  • http://www.randommusingsonlife.blogspot.com/ GottaBeMe

    I got a response from Cool Virginity also. Here it is:
    “Thanks for your questions, I’m alittle confused as my site is under construction and you all three asked about the same question on the same day. So if you don’t mind, please let me know how you came across my site. I don’t have any ads or a news campaign, this site is just for follow-up for our abstinence education programs we do for our local community.
    In response to your concerns, the coolvirginity site is part of our abstinence programs that we conduct for schools and other organizations. We are a very small organization and have been conducting abstinence education for 14 years. Two years ago we got a small grant and part of which was used to design the website and billboards you see. The model is one of my previous volunteers. The other billboard that I made was a couple that waited until marriage (friends of mine), more balanced. First of all, I don’t like how the web designers did the site, looks too female and they didn’t put the other billboard on either so I totally understand and agree that the site looks out of balance. I fought the web guys and the response being that they needed more money to fix it (which we don’t have). They didn’t even fix my email or remove all their links that I wanted off! So I went on a search for a volunteer that will revamp it for me, just found one before Christmas so hopefully we’ll get it worked out soon. Our program focuses on abstinence for all youth as the best way to avoid STIs, teen pregnancy and instead focus on their future. Our program is different from many that are tagged “abstinence-only�, we are a compliment to what is taught by the school. The teachers contact us to do our presentation because we provide the teachers with up-to-date information on STIs and the teens love the skits. We don’t charge for the program, its worked great all these years. We’re not about getting bigger, we just provide this to our local communities.
    Here’s a copy of the Billboard that I we put up and I wanted this on the site, it will be soon. Please know that the education we do is very balanced, we’ve been providing this for 14 years with no complaints about being one-sided because we’re not. Like I said if my site is somehow getting promoted without me knowing it, please let me know, I need to figure out how to stop it because its not fixed yet. On another note, if you went to the pregnancyministries.org site, that is designed for females dealing with pregnancy issues so yes, that is designed to appeal to females. Coolvirginity is a division of our local pregnancy care center, sometimes that can be a little confusing, pregnancyministries… for females, coolvirginity… for both.
    Hope that helps and thanks for your inquires!
    Here is the photo of the male/female billboard they sent in the email:http://www.flickr.com/photos/techlily/2148695493/
    the couple look like they are in HIGH SCHOOL! So apparently this organization is fine with kids getting married really young so they can have sex, regardless of how well prepared they are for the commitment of marriage.

  • Andrea

    I’m sorry I haven’t read all the comments, and if someone has already written a similar answer to DAS’s thoughts, then my bad.
    DAS: “I’ve sometimes wondered: if we menfolk had something like a hymen, whose presence would correlate to virginity (so that people would think man-hymen=virgin, even if this rule would have many exceptions in practice), would there then be a similar cult around male “purity” such as there is around female “purity”? I.e. is the cult around female “purity” merely a function of having something by which people think they can verify it?”
    I think the fact that women have a measurable indicator of virginity (the hymen) has little to do with the creation of the cult of female purity. Rather, because there is a cult of female purity, the hymen has become an important measure of virginity. In other words, if men had some sort of tissue that indicated whether or not they were virgins, that wouldn’t really matter because their purity is not prized in the first place. Traditionally, women’s purity is prized because part of our social value is determined by the heirs we can produce for men, and if you marry a guaranteed virgin, then you know her children are yours and your children will inherit your property. What women’s bodies can provide to men (something to gaze at, sex, children) loses value when the hymen is broken since a) they don’t get to gaze at the mythical virgin form, b) the sex supposedly won’t be as good (because she’s not in pain? who knows. fucked up logic), and c) if a woman has had children, she’s supposedly ruined and worthless.
    Oh our deliciously fucked up culture! I hope that was a good answer to your question DAS!

  • SayBlade

    If a man can prove beyond a doubt that he is a virgin, then he too can offer his virginity to his future wife as a lovely gift.
    Would save on flowers, I guess.

  • http://sayblade.blogspot.com/ SayBlade

    If a man can prove beyond a doubt that he is a virgin, then he too can offer his virginity to his future wife as a lovely gift.
    Would save on flowers, I guess.

  • A male

    “the couple look like they are in HIGH SCHOOL! So apparently this organization is fine with kids getting married really young so they can have sex, regardless of how well prepared they are for the commitment of marriage.”
    That is idiotic. The fact that people actually have this idea, not your comment. It is no wonder that some states have marriageable ages so low (previously as low as 13 or 14) in this day and age, even lower than legal ages of sexual consent, allowing child molesters to marry their naive victims and avoid prosecution (an issue I read of in a women’s magazine – a 39 year old man with a 13 year old girl, and the accompanying smily photo of their embrace was just WRONG). And to think that the girls’ parents actually give the required consent for the girls to marry that young, or approve of such adult/child relationships. I’d like to know how such relationships turn out, particularly once the girls develop out of their childhood desirability, or the young woman realizes her man is a sleaze.
    “If a man can prove beyond a doubt that he is a virgin, then he too can offer his virginity to his future wife as a lovely gift.”
    Like what? Premature ejaculation and lack of foreplay, or worse yet, imitating what they see in porn (think – groping “foreplay,” oral with hands pulling on woman’s head, numerous changes in position, piston action and male climax scene sans condom), which is what numerous young Japanese women complain of? Sweeet. I am glad I read sex ed books and women’s magazines since childhood, to know that missionary only, was not the way.

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