By Jessica • 16 years ago

Because “surrendered” sounds so much better than “abused”

surrenderedwife.jpg
This image is from a positive review of the book. Yeah.
Remember that book, The Surrendered Wife, that came out a while ago and got all sorts of press because it basically told women that the key to happiness in marriage was to shut-the-fuck-up?
Well it seems that some folks are taking it wa-ay seriously. This Australian version of 60 minutes covers women “who really do love, honour and obey. Especially obey.” Yeah. Watch the video–it is fucking disturbing.
The short version: Women in “surrendered” marriages are just SO much happier because they don’t have pesky things like opinions. Much better that only one person in a marriage have decision-making abilities.
The video features women who essentially have husbands that run their lives: one husband picks out his wife’s outfits and hairstyles, another insists that she shave his face and put his toothpaste on his toothbrush, there is even one woman who is blindfolded when she and her husband drive so she’s not tempted to offer help with directions.
But here’s my truly favorite part (from the video transcript):

PETER HARVEY: But these rules don’t stop at the bedroom door, no, sir.
SKYE: One of the basics of surrendering is that your husband always takes the lead when it comes to sexual intimacy. And another thing is that the woman always says yes to sex. And sometimes you might not feel like it but then when you start being together and kissing and hugging and just being together and getting that closeness, then, generally, I want to anyway.
PETER HARVEY: Oh, that’s okay then, isn’t it, Frank?
FRANK: Right now when they say, ‘No’, that might be true. But women are very much in the moment and what is true right now might not be true two minutes from now.
SKYE: He knows he will just keep pursuing me, you know? And he knows I’ll give in eventually. (Emphasis added)

How romantic! And if she always has to say yes to sex, than it’s not rape, right? Right? And I’m with Amanda on this one, who says:

I’m not going to diss on people who have some sort of consensual dom/sub relationship, because I do believe strongly that people can use sexual games and fantasies as a catharsis. But that’s not what’s going on here. This submission is real. The wife doesn’t get to say, “Okay, playtime is over, I’m not your servant anymore.� She’s always his servant.

It seems to me that these are just abusive relationships gussied up with language like “surrendered.” After all, it’s all about power and control. Maybe by naming the relationship “surrendered,” these women don’t have to think of themselves as abused. Just a thought.
By the way, for you single gals who just can’t wait for a hubby to boss you around, you can get another book by the same author: Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who’s Right for You. Woo hoo!
Related: I came across this great resource while writing this post from the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence: “Wheels� Adapted from the Power and Control Wheel Model

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