Help wanted – must hate everyone, or at least promise to try

I know it’s silly, but it brings a little joy to my dark, evil-doing heart to see far-right zealots searching desperately for a candidate with enough wingnut street cred to support for 2008.

Many conservatives have already declared their hostility to Senator John McCain of Arizona, despite his efforts to make amends for having once denounced Christian conservative leaders as ”agents of intolerance,” and to former Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani of New York, because of his liberal views on abortion and gay rights and his three marriages.
Many were also suspicious of former Gov. Mitt Romney of Massachusetts; members have used the council as a conduit to distribute a dossier prepared by a Massachusetts conservative group about liberal elements of his record on abortion, stem cell research and gay rights.

Yes, it must be tough when you don’t have a dedicated puppet to force your hate on the American people from the White House. (Whoops, I guess I won’t be getting a job blogging for a campaign now.) Even less well-known, more conservative candidates are not quite good enough. But never fear, insufficiently conservative candidates of the world. Grover Norquist has a solution for you. Secondary virginity. Or something. Wait, what?

He argued that with the right promises, any of the four could redeem themselves in the eyes of the conservative movement despite their past records, just as some high school students take abstinence pledges even after having had sex.
“It’s called secondary virginity,� Mr. Norquist said. “It is a big movement in high school and also available for politicians.�

So, you can pledge to abstain from caring about freedom, equality, and tolerance. Sweet. I wonder if Dawn Eden needs some help on her blog. I am so out of here.