No sex for you, my pretty!

Get ready to lose your shit.
The Abstinence Clearinghouse is hosting a Leadership Conference in Kansas next week with all of the usual misinformation and scare tactics. But this year is a little different. This year has a theme. Wait for it…The Wizard of Oz.

The movie shows a classic struggle of a lost girl and her misfit friends finding their way, against great odds and in the face of risk to reach their full potential. Many of the scenes and themes in this classic movie can be allegories for today’s youth.

Ok, you want a cheesy conference theme? Sure. But the wicked witch of abstinence-only ed, Leslee Unruh, is taking it to the next level.
Just check out some of the panel titles:
If I Only Had a Brain: The Effects of Sex on Brain Physiology
A Horse of a Different Color (This is a group of hip hop dancers. Ahem.)
And my personal favorite: Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead! Which Old Witch? (The “Safe-Sex” Witch)
I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.
Also, there’s a jingle. A jingle!